Toxicity in Religion

I do feel like sometimes, certain people do have a very warped view of the world because of whatever religion they've decided to take up. I myself used to be that way, but I've found that it's just easier for me to be an Atheist.

Toxicity comes from that person's own behavior, so you can't say that you blame God or Jesus for the way you're acting. This is the one thing that I've come to realize about myself recently when covering the topic of toxicity here on my blog. Every thought I had and every judgment I made was being made with my own eyes and brain. God had no part in the way I was acting, but even if he did have something to do with it, I probably wouldn't have seen it that way back then.

People can say whatever bull**** excuse they have to make themselves feel better, but in my personal opinion, excuses are just another defense mechanism to help us stay in that little bubble we're in. If we keep making excuses instead of taking responsibility for our actions, then we're never going to change. One has to be willing to change to crawl out of that dark and negative mindset. When you add religion to the mix, the same fundamentals apply: take responsibility for your actions, admit them to yourself and your god, then ask for forgiveness. It's always best to be honest with yourself than to deny what you've done at all. 

Those who play the blame game tend to just walk around in circles; they don't learn from their mistakes because they're too busy pinning them onto something or somebody else. I myself have had this problem, but I've been trying my best to diminish that from my life. It takes a lot of will power, mental strength and discipline to overcome this one obstacle, but it CAN be done. For the longest time I've been in this mentality that my problems existed either because of a certain person or because of my own disabilities or weaknesses, but that doesn't have to be the case. Very rarely did I ever blame God for my own failures, but whenever I did, I knew that the pain I was feeling would just stay where it was unless I did something about it. It wasn't until I started to see how tired I was inside my mind that I decided I've had enough, and when I finally took matters into my own hands, I immediately felt like a changed person. 

I feel as if toxicity in general should be talked about more from the toxic person's point of view because not a lot of people care to understand or to be more empathetic. Negative thoughts patterns may exist inside all of us, but for some people, it can really effect their personalities on a deeper level depending on what experiences they've been through. Everyone on this earth deserves to be treated with kindness and respect despite any struggles they're going through, and it's not right for people to judge or label other human beings just because they're a little more flawed than others. 

Why I Considered Myself to Be Toxic

How long do people go on for, holding onto their own angst and baggage before they realize that they should just let go of it and move on? How long does it take for a person to heal from all the damage that's been done as well as all the hurt they've been through? These are probably the two most important questions I have when it comes to life. And while I do feel like I've matured a lot in the past 2+ years, I know I still have a long ways to go before all that baggage is suddenly lifted off my shoulders.

I feel as if there's not enough music out there that talks about life through a toxic person's eyes, and I'd say that Daughtry would be one of those rare examples. I can remember when their album Baptized was first released and when I first heard it, I instantly fell in love with all the songs on that album. Little did I know though that their songs would recently come back to give me some comfort in the problems I've faced in my life. The songs Battleships, Witness and Broken Arrows in particular really resonate with me because for the first year of the relationship I've been in, I wasn't able to see things for what they really were. I thought I knew everything when in reality, I was just really naive and needed to be challenged in my perspective on life.

During that same first year of my relationship, I was convinced and convicted in my own preconceived judgments on how I thought life should be. Whenever I was faced with a challenge in perspective, I was quick to defend and fight against those other perspectives because I didn't want break down those walls I had built up after my first heartbreak. It's been a long time coming since then and I'm glad I've allowed myself to be more understanding in the end. However, once those walls came down, I felt so exposed and vulnerable that I didn't know how to deal those feelings properly. It's like my head just went off the deep end and whenever things weren't being met to my expectations, I'd let myself get angry enough to place blame and give haughty ultimatums. And whenever I hurt someone close to me, I'd automatically deny any wrong that I did and just sweep any problems I had under the rug.

I feel like this battle I have with negative thought patterns is always going to be a part of me, but I feel like I'm strong enough to gain control of those thoughts and turn them around if I really want to. All it takes is a lot of mental strength and will power; it takes a lot mind exercises and conditioning for one to become a more positive and productive person. Now I just want to put out there that this process isn't a one-time thing. If you don't keep up those positive and healthy habits to help improve your mental health, then things will start go back to how they were before. Positivity starts from within you; you can't find that power anywhere else. Try your best to remember that.

The Phantom of the Opera: My Thoughts & Analysis

The 2004 film

It's obvious that while Gerard Butler is most likely in his early 30's, Emmy Rossum is sixteen. Both of them (as well as Patrick Wilson and the rest of the cast) do a pretty good job at giving a solid performance.

So the tone of this movie just seems to be a bit ominous and mature given the setting and casting choices even though the overall story remains the same. And when looking at the Phantom's character alone in this movie, you can just tell that Gerard adds this brooding element to Erik. When I first watched the film, I saw the Phantom as mysterious, austere and misunderstood by society because that's just how Gerard depicts him. I know that either way, the character alone gets sympathized a lot by fans, but even then, every actor has his own interpretation for how they see Erik's character.

For me personally, Emmy Rossum best depicts Christine's innocence when she meets The Phantom for the first time. Not only that, but she also has a great voice that just soars with each note she sings. When it comes to Gerard though, his vocal talent just isn't as great as I once thought it was. In some moments in the movie, you can tell that he's trying to balance both the notes and the emotions at the same time, and I feel as if he's a tad inconsistent with that. Now I realize that POTO is a bit out of his wheelhouse acting wise, so I wouldn't say he did a terrible job with that, but it just could've been better in a couple scenes. Overall though, I'll say that he tried his best with the role and I respect that.

While I didn't know this at first, I've come to realize now that since this just an adaptation of the musical itself, some of the songs had to be shortened or rearranged in its lyrics for timing reasons. Now of course, the score in itself is just amazing. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten one of the songs stuck in my head!

So when taking just the film into consideration, I'd say that it did its job for introducing many people (myself included) to this realm that is the Phantom of the Opera. Think of this movie as a starter kit for if you're just wanting to get to know the story and its characters.

Live at the Royal Albert Hall: 25th Anniversary Edition

I definitely feel like the grand stage is able to capture all the magic in this story, and when I first watched this version, I was immediately enamored with the talent by the cast. It's amazing how each actor/actress is able to fit so much emotion and personality into their characters when you're watching this live (or at home on your computer in my case).

I believe that this goes without saying, but Ramin Karimloo by far is the best actor to portray the Phantom in the stage production. I just felt so much for Erik's character any time he shed a tear or felt sad. Now when it comes to Sierra's acting abilities, I'd say she did a good job. The only issue I have is that her ability to act innocent kind of seems forced to me. Christine's character is young and innocent, and in Emmy's case, it helped that she was 16 at the time, but in knowing that Sierra is a bit older, it just doesn't feel as genuine if that makes any sense. Other than that though, I enjoyed the cast overall- especially the actors who played Piangi, Firmin and Andre.

One thing I like about the stage production is that the songs are kept as is and you get to hear the story in full. When I first heard the soundtrack for this musical, it was a little hard to understand the dialogue that's added to some of the songs, but after I watched the recorded film, I was able to understand it better. Another thing I really enjoyed about this version is how they threw in a little extra detail to Christine and Raoul's relationship in the first act.

So overall, I'd say that this version of the musical's story is superior to what the movie provides. It's nice that someone took the time to record that footage from London so that everyone else would be able to watch it at home. I thoroughly enjoyed every actor's performance and I think that if I were to watch an entirely different cast perform this in my area, I'd enjoy it just as much.