Personal Insight Post: The Evolution of Identity

 For me as a cis-gender, straight woman, I feel like the person I am today is a lot more complex than I was back high school, or even when I was a child. I feel like the person I am now, at 30 years old, is someone who, in some ways, is still trying to figure herself out. At the same time, I feel like what stands out the most is that I, unlike my middle school/high school counterparts, am starting to become more comfortable with who I am whenever no one else is around. Don't get this twisted; I still have my moments of feeling lonely or uncertain every now and then, but the amount of confidence I have... That's something that I know I've had to build for myself over the years.

For as long as I can remember, I've been someone who's insecure and dependent on others for happiness. I was also someone who didn't like being in the spotlight. Throughout high school, even though it was obvious that I had a huge love for music and playing musical instruments, I was kind of a wallflower in some situations. I would just insert myself into different groups, trying to seek out attention just so I can fit in and say I had friends. While I wouldn't say I was the desperate type back then, I also wouldn't say I was the most confident person either. Most kids in high school would probably see themselves as awkward, shy or kind of quiet- or at least, that's how I would describe my younger self. 

High school... I have so many fond memories of being there, but in all truth here, I feel like the social aspect of it is something that either felt natural, or felt difficult for reasons I could never fully understand. This didn't get any easier once I hit my 20's. I'm an introvert. I find it hard to put myself out there, and sometimes, I struggle with knowing what to say when it comes to starting conversations. 

Even though being 30 so far feels more freeing in some ways, I still find myself getting confused sometimes. Life at 30 years old does bring with it a lot more clarity, and yet, I'm still making mistakes. For a lot of us, identity is something that continues to grow and evolve. If you're not thinking about who you want to be in the next few years, or if you feel like you know who you are and never question anything, then would you consider that to be living? I don't. I think that we as humans will always encounter change, and it's up to us to either embrace or resist against it. I know that in the next few years, I hope to be someone who's better than the person I am now, and to be someone who's gained more life experience. I don't know what the future holds for me, and while I'm doing the best I can to take things one step at a time, I do feel like the person I am now is someone who wants to and tries to be grounded. I feel like the choices I've made so far this year are a reflection of the values that speak the most to me. I'm not someone who likes drama. I don't care to be involved in situations that require more energy than what I can give. My mental disabilities, if anything, are starting to become a teacher of where my limitations are. Saying that kind of makes me feel old, but I know I still have a lot of life ahead of me. I just want to keep my life simple, and I feel like as of this year at least, I've been doing a decent job of that. 

Style vs. Fashion: How I Use Colors Within My Wardrobe

2022 has been a year of me getting back into trends and neutral colors, and while I still stand with the belief in being mindful when it comes to these things, the one color I’ve been introduced to by an influencer (named Chloe Wen) is chocolate brown. It’s become such a fun color to play with, and it looks good with the other colors that exist already within my current style.

My core style, ironically, has gone back to what I used to have when I first got into using the capsule wardrobe system. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying color obviously, but back when I first started experimenting, I eventually transformed my colorful, fast fashion-filled style with a more basic color palette, which contained black, white and blue as my primary colors. This is exactly what I have in my wardrobe now, but at the same time, I also have added purple, chocolate brown, small touches of gray, tan/beige and pink. I feel like my style now is something that I can keep and maintain for the next few years if not forever, so for that, I’m pretty much happy and content. 

This photo (as well as the others shown in this post) has been taken from Pinterest

Going back to basics seems to be a theme that I’ve adopted for 2023 in more ways than one, and when it comes to my style in particular, I’m finding that going back to my more “minimalist” color palette just makes getting dressed easier. If I don’t want to put too much effort into combining different colors, I can just go with a basic black and white outfit, or I can do a monochromatic outfit. And if I feel like just going with something simple but still interesting, I can pair black with another color that’s effortless, like brown or purple. I’ll be posting some of these different color combinations on Instagram at some point, so be on the lookout for that. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this post and can gain inspiration from it!