Before I get into how this particular subject affects my life, I want to start off with a couple definitions. According to WebMD, emotional dysregulation is a term used to describe an emotional response that is poorly regulated and does not fall within the traditionally accepted range of emotional reaction. It may also be referred to as marked fluctuation of mood, mood swings, or labile mood. To break this down further, this means that unlike the typical brain’s ability to move from one emotion to another at a steady pace, the ADHD brain sees only that particular emotion, enlarges it, and then afflicts the person’s nervous system to think that a threat has been detected and all other senses have been blocked off.
I was a late bloomer in some ways, and when it comes to understanding my emotions, I’d say that the challenges that this imposed in correlation to my health was definitely something that started to occur in my late teens. I didn’t understand why I would get easily frustrated or why anger was so hard for me to control. I didn’t understand why I was more sensitive or prone to crying. My hormones kicked in at a fairly average age (13), but my ADHD symptoms seem to have a delayed effect.
Delayed reaction timing is something I’ve become much more aware of over time, but my brain and emotions still tend to fall into this cycle even with me being an adult. This means that if someone were to say something hurtful or insulting to me, that feeling of anger or irritation probably wouldn’t hit me until a few hours later, or even during the next day after the situation has passed. This makes it difficult for me to understand why a certain emotion is happening sometimes. Cognitive behavioral therapy can sometimes help if my brain and hormones were to be in sync with each other for once, but this doesn’t happen often. One thing that helps me as an alternative is to do deep breathing or find a quick meditation to relieve the emotional stress. Other times, I may listen to a couple songs that can pinpoint exactly what I’m feeling. These techniques have helped me immensely if I’m experiencing more stress than usual, or if I’m just already in a bad mood.
Work related stress isn’t fun or pleasant to deal with. I could list many different situations or scenarios, most of which can involve dealing with an unpleasant co-worker, manager or customer. It’s taken time for me to understand that most negative comments have nothing to do with me and more to do with them, so while my tolerance for rudeness still isn’t great sometimes on an emotional level, I’m at least able to have that inner dialogue with myself because of me seeing my therapist for so long and putting in the work. For issues that may happen outside of work however, it’s been easier said than done for my younger self to not bring that baggage into the workplace.
My previous relationship of 9 years has had its moments where I would end up being mad for whatever reason, or he would end up losing patience with me because I couldn’t stop being mad, and then I would overthink the situation to no end. ADHD and anger, sadness or romantic tension could easily manifest all sorts of negative or unproductive thought spirals, and out of the times this has happened in my relationship, communication on his end would just come to a full halt because he has lost his ability to keep his composure. Lashing out at him because of my lack of self-control and/or not having enough self-awareness is something that I recognize as a fault of my own…. To best explain what goes on in the ADHD brain the minute that anger or frustration shows up and becomes displaced, it can take time for awareness to kick back in and to settle the matter through an objective lens because the minute the emotion is detected, it becomes heightened within the brain and nervous system, and blocks out all other senses. To give an estimated time frame for cooling down, coming back to reality after experiencing intense anger or annoyance could take up to 5 minutes; the span of time could be longer depending on how severe the case is.
Coming back to the topic of mood swings as noted in the definition of the first paragraph, an example to help demonstrate this could be like going from intense anger to sadness or guilt, and these feelings can suddenly take over the entire person’s physical body. Keep in mind to NOT categorize this symptom as a character deficiency or to misdiagnose it as something else (like being bipolar), but as something to improve on in future relationships with a licensed therapist or psychiatrist. Of course, it may probable for some people with ADHD to have underlying bipolar symptoms, but it’s always best to consult with a psychiatrist or psychologist to get a proper diagnosis. For some people with ADHD (especially the hyperactive type), it may take more than just a few therapy sessions to suddenly change this issue. So in saying all of this, I do recognize that my emotional outbursts over the years may have been a mild concern at times, but never to the point of needing more work outside of what I’ve already been given over the years. I think the one thing that has helped me stay sane in most, if not all situations, is mindfulness.
Mindfulness can look like taking deep breaths from the bottom of your belly, using guided meditations or taking up yoga practice. If you use a combination of all three practices, then this can save you greatly in the long run. I started up yoga in my early 20’s, and not only has this helped me in terms of emotional regulation, but it has also helped to improve my focus and balance. It really isn’t hard to get started, and you don’t need to buy all sorts of equipment just to know how to do yoga. The same mindset can be applied to starting any meditation; all you need is to find time in your day (the least amount of time could be 1 or 2 minutes) and just breathe. The only thing to remember here is that the way you work your breath matters in meditation; it doesn’t do anything to release a breath like you’re running on exhaustion or if you just need a sigh of relief.
I hope that all of this information can provide greater insight as to how ADHD works, and especially in correlation with emotions. Without getting all cliche on the subject here, please remember that being human is a difficult thing to experience for many. It may take some effort to not react negatively to a situation that’s less than ideal, but a little positive reinforcement and encouragement can go a long way when it comes to boosting up a person’s spirits. So please, be mindful of what you say and do, because what you put out into the world is what you’ll get back in return.
REFERENCE SOURCED: WebMD. Mental Health: Reference. What Is Emotional Dysregulation? (https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-emotional-dysregulation#:~:text=Emotional%20dysregulation%20is%20a%20term,mood%20swings%2C%20or%20labile%20mood.)