Novella: Your Love Has Poisoned Me (Chapters 8 & 9)

CHAPTER 8: LAST DITCH EFFORTS

Once Alex had settled down in her new apartment in Vegas, she realized that she had left something in the hotel room that she and Levi had shared over the summer. Usually, she’s not someone who could be considered careless or forgetful, but of all nights, she realized that it would be a loss if she didn’t have her lucky bracelet with her on this specific night in her new apartment. She tried skimming through her photogenic memory, seeing if she could recover where she left it. It then dawned on her that it must be in one of the dresser drawers. She hurried out of the complex and into her car, and just as she had pulled up into the parking lot of the hotel, she recognized Levi’s car in the next spot over. She studied it with a puzzled look on her face for a moment, then got out of the car to resume her position. She talked to the concierge at the front desk, and then after explaining the situation, the man left the desk for a moment. Once he came back into view, he had a box in his arms full of stuff that other visitors had left behind. “It’s protocol for the maids to report any items that are left behind and return them to this box. Good luck.” Alex rummaged through the box and came up empty. She had a feeling that it was exactly where she said it was, even if the concierge kept trying to insist otherwise. She then had an idea come to her mind. “You know what? I just realized that I need to use the bathroom. Which way would that be?” The man pointed her in the appropriate direction, and just as he walked away from his position and into the room behind him, she went into stealth mode and quickly tried to retrieve the key to the appropriate room she needed access to. Thankfully, nobody noticed her sneaking away, and once she made it to the elevator, she let out a sigh of relief. I can’t believe that worked!, she thought to herself. 

Once Alex opened the door to the hotel room that she and Levi once occupied, she realized that it was completely empty and clean. She opened all of the doors, cabinets and drawers in a desperate frenzy. After realizing that her luck had run out and couldn’t find the bracelet, she slowly made her way towards the door of the room. She ran into Levi on her way out of the hotel, but didn’t say a word to him. Instead, she just glared at him. Levi instinctively thought to himself, I wonder what Alex was doing here… 

Alex could feel her heart pounding from inside her chest. She was starting to get angry, and she knew that the reason for that is because the minute she and Levi crossed paths. It was in that moment when all of the memories of what happened over the summer came flooding back to her. I can’t believe you lied to me, she said to herself. She continued to mutter to herself as she drove away from the hotel and into the night. With no one else on the road and her anger simmering to the surface, she started to unintentionally pick up the pace as she continued to drive. Soon enough, she was going over the speed limit and she felt like she was just aimlessly driving, and her only goal was to be anywhere but here. It wasn’t until she heard a police siren creeping up from behind that she started to come back to reality. She quickly steered herself away from the road and pulled over. A man who was a bit burly in his stature turned on a flashlight and tapped on the glass window of her car. “I need your name and some form of identification,” he said flatly. Alex grabbed her backpack and rummaged through it until she found her wallet. She gave him her ID. “Are you aware that you were driving over the speed limit, Miss Barnett? The minimum is forty-five, and you were clocking eighty.”

“I apologize for that, sir.” 

“Don’t let it happen again. Otherwise, you’ll end up spending the night in jail.”

“I understand.” Once the officer got back in his car, Alex let out a small sigh. She still wasn’t ready to admit that perhaps the problem had less to do with Levi, and more to do with herself for falling for his premeditated proposal. She knew that she could be sentimental sometimes, but is that all she was feeling, or was there more to it? She didn’t want to overthink the situation, but with it being close to 3-o’clock in the morning, she knew she wouldn’t be able to help herself. Her feelings for Levi seemed to stem from more than just shared childhood history. It’s almost as if proposing to her ignited intense, and perhaps naive feelings of romance and desire back then, and thinking about it now made her realize that perhaps she does love him. But he lied to me, she thought to herself. Knowing that she didn’t want to get a speeding ticket or worse, she left her car on the side of the road and walked away from it. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself, but she knew that she didn’t want to sleep. She didn’t want to face the reality of her feelings, so instead, she started walking around in circles. At one point in the night, she screamed loudly because of how confused and frustrated she felt. Once exhaustion finally hit her, she trudged back into the back seat of her car and fell asleep. 

RACHEL: NEW BEGINNINGS

Since that encounter she had with Alex, Rachel was starting to realize that no amount of petty games is going to make her win back her peace of mind. At the same time however, she knew that allowing herself to feel vulnerable would only make moving on feel more difficult. All it took was one look for Alex to realize the truth, and her kindness is something that Rachel would always keep close to her heart. The more she willed herself to think about Alex instead of dwelling on thoughts of Chris and her own brokenness, the more she wanted to be around her again and tell her the whole story. Her feelings of restlessness and exhaustion eventually led her to call up Alex. The two of them had exchanged phone numbers the last time they met up, and once she hit the call button on her cell phone, Alex answered on the second ring. “Hey! How are you doing?”

“I’m doing alright. I was wondering if you’d like to hang out again some time. I really enjoyed catching up with you a while back.”

“I’m glad to hear that! What day did you have in mind?”

“How about this coming Saturday? I usually don't have much planned on the weekends.”

“That’s perfect! I’ll see you then.” After hanging up, Rachel found herself smiling and feeling like her old self for the first time in a while. She decided to take advantage of the good mood she was in and go out to dinner by herself. 

On her way out towards the restaurant, she drove past Chris and Matthew’s firm as well as the cafeteria that stood right next to the building. She tried to take in the view in small bits while driving, and the further out she went, the more free she started to feel. It’s almost as if this night was needed, and as soon as she found the restaurant, she pulled up into the parking lot, put the car in park and walked at a brisk pace to avoid stalling for time. Everything went according to plan, but the one thing she didn’t expect to see out of the corner of her eye was Matthew sitting by himself at a booth. She sighed under her breath, and just as she was seated at a table that was only within a foot’s distance from the booth he was at, a young woman showed up seemingly out of nowhere and took a seat opposite of him. So he’s on a date?, she wondered to herself. This piqued her interest, but she didn’t want to make things awkward for him. The woman had long, blonde hair with platinum undertones, and she could tell that her skin tone didn’t look real or natural, like she had stuck herself in an easy-bake oven. Suddenly she found herself getting lost in thought, but after a few minutes passed, a waiter walked up to her table. “Miss, can I get you something to drink?”

    “I’ll have water with lemon.”

“Coming right up! I’ll be back to take your order soon.” The young man swiftly left the table and Rachel started to peer over towards Matthew’s table again. She couldn’t shake off the image of him being on a date with somebody else. Of course, none of this made her feel jealous or nervous because the two of them were only friends. They’ve been close since college, but the more she allowed herself to think about the situation, she had to wonder if Matthew wanted something more with her. Rachel forced away her gaze, and just in time for the waiter to show again to take her order. Once she told him what she wanted, he took the menu and sat her drink down on the table. He also placed a small bowl of extra lemons next to her glass just in case. For a moment in time, Rachel was able to enjoy herself until she saw Matthew’s date leaving the table. She thought about seizing the moment and coming over just to say hi, but what happened instead is she noticed Matthew looking in her direction. He gave her a playful smirk that basically said all she needed to know. This prompted her to stand up, but before she could make her way over towards his table, his date came back. She thought about sitting back down, but then he motioned for her to come over. A few minutes passed and a different waiter had shown up at her table to hand her a plate full of food. Once he left, she took it with her along with her bundled up cutlery set and glass of water, making her way over towards Matthew’s table. “It’s very nice to see you here, Rachel,” he said in a sing-song tone. I want you to meet my sister, Rebecca. She decided to come over and visit me by surprise.” Hearing him say those words made Rachel feel embarrassed because of what she assumed earlier, but she tried to not let it show. “It’s very nice to meet you, Rebecca.” She extended out a hand to shake hers as a formal greeting then took one of her forks. After enjoying a few savory bites of her dinner, she looked up to see Matthew staring at her. “Can I help you?” she asked after swallowing. Rebecca was looking down at her own plate and seemed to be enjoying her own dinner as well. He started to get nervous and wasn’t sure of what to say, and she noticed him tensing up. Once Rebecca cleaned up her mouth with a napkin, she started to talk. “You really don’t know much about Matthew, do you?” 

“What do you mean? We’ve been friends since college.”

“Well, I already know that, but ever since we entered this restaurant, he hasn’t been able to stop talking about you.” This made Rachel feel slightly embarrassed. She wasn’t sure what prompted Rebecca to talk about this, and when she and Matthew looked at each other, they were quick to dart their eyes in opposite directions. “I think this whole evening so far has been very interesting,” Rebecca said. “Just look at you two! The way y'all act shy around each other is really adorable.” She chuckled at her own comment, but both Rachel and Matthew felt tense and confused. Matthew could feel this heat in his chest rising up, and he started to dig more into his plate of food to help lower his nerves. Rachel did the same, and she didn’t bother to act all prim and proper like usual when eating. She kept her back slightly hunched over, and every time she noticed herself feeling nervous or tense, the bigger bites she would end up taking until her plate was completely empty. Matthew had finished his meal just a couple minutes before she did, and Rebecca just watched the two of them continue to not say anything to each other. She knew she had hit a nerve, but she didn’t think that the romantic tension between her brother and Rachel was this high. She then decided to stand up. “I’m really glad I got a chance to catch up with you, Matthew, and it was good to meet you, Rachel!” Just as she made her way towards the front door of the restaurant, a man rudely brushed past her. Rebecca was too slow to react, but both Rachel and Matthew noticed his stature immediately. It was Chris. Both of them stood up at the same time and had scowls on their faces. “What the hell are you doing here?” Matthew asked. Rachel had her arms crossed together against her chest. “I was just thinking the same thing,” she told Matthew. 

CHRIS: THE APOLOGY

“Look, I know I shouldn’t be barging in here during your little reunion with your sister, but I’ve tried to keep my distance for as long as I can. I just can’t take it anymore!” 

“What are you talking about?” Matthew said, trying to keep his tone soft but still firm. 

“I’m talking about the way you’ve been acting around me. Things have become more distant between us. I don’t understand why. And what are you doing here?” It took a minute for Rachel to realize that his question was directed towards her, and she struggled to get any words out. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Matthew replied sharply. 

“I just don’t want to feel like I’m losing here. I feel like I’m losing my mind!”

“Well, that’s a first.” Rachel gave out a small laugh at Matthew’s comment. 

“This isn’t funny! I want my best friend back. I don’t like being left out to dry like I’m on some island. It just feels like the two of you are mad at me, and I want to apologize. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” Rachel started to say. Matthew felt the need to put his arm around Rachel; she didn’t fight against it. “If you want to give me a proper apology, then you’d better try harder. Make it sound sincere, or better yet, just leave me alone. Being around you makes me feel things that I’m tired of feeling. You are exhausting to be around, Chris!” Hearing her say that made him feel all sorts of guilt, remorse, anger and confusion all over again. He couldn’t make sense of anything in his world, but if there’s one thing he’s noticed every time Matthew and Rachel were together, it’s that they could very well start a new life, and one that doesn’t involve him, and knowing that is what was driving him mad the most. “You need to go home,” Matthew said. His voice had a small tremble to it, but with Rachel by his side, he knew exactly what he wanted right then and there. “I mean it, Chris! Go back home. Be with your mother. You’re not wanted here anymore, and I’m not going to tolerate the way you’ve been treating Rachel. I love her.” Just as those last three words left his lips, the reactions that followed were similar for a minute, but then Chris turned his face up into a snarl of anger and disgust. There was no hesitation in his steps as he stormed out of the restaurant. Once he left the scene, Matthew and Rachel both felt shivers crawling up their spine and arms, but after the moment passed, they turned towards each other and kissed each other. 

CHAPTER 9: SWEET SURPRISES & DARK SECRETS

Once Saturday came around, Alex and Rachel decided to go out and spend the day together. The two women started out by going out to a local cafe outside of the city, and then headed out to the mall afterwards. During their time together, Rachel shared everything that happened with Chris and Matthew, and Alex’s reactions were nothing short of comforting and supportive. “I really hate that you had to deal with Chris’ drama, but I’m really glad that you and Matthew have finally decided to get together. I just don’t understand men who decide to play games or make up lies. It’s not right.”

    “I completely agree with you on that!” Rachel nodded in perfect timing to the things Alex was ranting on about, and from what she was able to understand, it sounded as if Alex had some troubles of her own. She didn’t need to hear all of the details, but instead of interjecting with any rude remarks, she just continued to nod her head and allowed Alex to carry on until she was done. “You know what? I just remembered that I need to make a phone call. Do you mind if I step out for a minute, Alex?”

    “Oh, sure.” Once both women parted through the exit, they went their separate ways. Rachel ended up dialing Matthew’s cell phone and he answered on the first ring. “Hey, how are things going with your new girlfriend?” Rachel took in a slow breath before answering. “I’m not sure if she’s going to stay my friend in all honesty. She talks a lot, which I don’t have a problem with. If anything, I feel as if her problems with this one guy she used to be engaged to are only going to continue dragging her down. I don’t need that kind of second-hand drama in my life.” 

“I understand that completely. Should I pick you up then?”

“I drove myself here, so I don’t mind driving myself back.”

“If you swing by my apartment before heading back to yours, then I have a surprise for you.” Matthew always knew how to gauge Rachel’s interest, but because he wouldn’t give her any hints, she had no choice but to accept his request. After one last attempt of trying to flirt with her over the phone, Rachel hung up and drove down to Matthew’s apartment. She wasn’t sure what to expect, and the excitement she was feeling made her feel giddy on the inside. However, once the door to his apartment opened, all of those feelings went away because she remembered that this apartment was once shared with someone she didn’t care to be around anymore. She tried to push away her feelings of discomfort, and thankfully, Matthew’s presence helped her with that as well. “So I have news for you, and I want you to sit down,” he said in a cryptic tone. Suddenly, Rachel started to feel both excited and nervous. “Tell me!” she exclaimed. 

“So in addition to finally finding a suitable house for the two of us to live in because I really hate this apartment complex, I’ve also decided to take up the firm just for myself to own. With Chris finally living with his mother again and being out of our lives, I just want to have a fresh start, you know? It was my idea anyway to start up the firm. But the bigger news that I have is something that involves less talking on my part.” He turned his back, and Rachel was starting to feel nervous. She had no idea where this was headed, and so to help ease her nerves, she placed her hand on her stomach. For some reason, doing that made her feel nauseous and lightheaded, but she didn’t think anything of it for a moment. It wasn’t until Matthew turned to face Rachel again that she started to realize what was happening. “Am I pregnant?”

“Yes. But that’s not all!” Matthew placed a small, blue box next to her leg as well as an envelope. His eyes gave away exactly how he was feeling, but he wanted her to open up both of the gifts before he said anything. She started with the blue box first. Inside was a ring and she immediately placed it on her ring finger. “It’s beautiful. Thank you,” she said with a tender smile. 

“Now you can open the envelope,” Matthew replied. It was a note, which read:

I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, Rachel. In addition to us finally being engaged and expecting our first child, I want to also give you the opportunity to move with me to Tokyo. I’ve finally saved up enough money for me to hire a team for the firm, which allows me to do more of my work remotely now. The house I’ve been looking at in Japan is perfect for our new life together. Ultimately, I really just want to start fresh and enjoy being in a new city. I hope you’ll say yes to this offer.

Rachel was stunned speechless for a moment after reading the note, but after taking it all in, she reached for Matthew’s hands and told him yes. The two of them shared a long hug together, which eventually led to them wanting to head back into Matthew’s bedroom together. However, both of them knew that the memories of this one apartment space would hold them back from wanting to get too close. “Would you rather just go to my apartment?” Rachel asked. “There’s more space and less baggage tied to it.”

“Gladly. But before we leave, there’s one more thing I want to do here. I’ll meet you outside in a bit.” Matthew had already sold most of the stuff he brought with him to this current complex that he had to share with Chris. However, there was one thing that he couldn’t bring himself to part with. Matthew opened the nightstand drawer in his bedroom to retrieve a letter. The letter held a secret that both he and Chris have kept to themselves since childhood. 

CHRIS & MATTHEW: MEMORIES UNLOCKED

When Chris arrived home, his first instinct was to just crash into bed and not talk to his mother. He felt defeated. He felt like he had lost the one person in life he thought he could trust. Why did you have to shut me out like that?, he thought to himself. He and Matthew had been through a lot together, and now his best friend wants nothing to do with him. Thinking about the situation made him feel empty on the inside. Just as he was about to walk out the back door of his mother’s house, he remembered something. The memory came to him, but instead of taking comfort in it, he started to scream in fits of rage and sorrow. 

For a while before making the decision to head off to college with Matthew, Chris had to take up more responsibility and help out his mother as she struggled to provide for him and for herself. She eventually had to give up all the work she had put in with her two jobs because her health was failing. The doctors said it was cancer, and while some of what she was experiencing could be delayed with different medicines, they both knew that she wasn’t fit to keep working and would eventually need to be taken into intensive care if things were to get worse. With Chris’ father out of the picture and no other siblings, Chris was desperate in his efforts to graduate from law school and start up his own firm so that he could not only make a name for himself, but to also save up enough money to help with whatever surgeries were needed for his mother. At the time, Matthew knew this and came up with the idea of them working together as a team. Chris remembered telling Matthew the situation with his mother the day before leaving for college. All he said was that the two of them would find a way to figure this out together. No other details came up to the surface, and he remembered trying to negotiate with Matthew. He tried every underhanded tactic in the book, and every time, Matthew just told him the same thing every time. The more Chris pushed the subject, the more his best friend would grow annoyed and impatient with him. It’s almost as if Matthew just didn’t care, and just as Chris was about to give up, he remembered a secret that Matthew shared with him when they were kids. He swore that he would never resort to blackmail, but in knowing what his best friend told him, he realized that if he can’t have his way, then perhaps he can level with Matthew this way. 

TWO DECADES AGO (in Rural New Jersey) 

“I know this may sound very childish, but I don’t want to get married. The thought of it scares me and girls are gross,” said young Matthew. At the time of him saying this back in kindergarten, Chris knew that he and Matthew would remain best friends. “And don’t tell anybody this either, but if both of us promise to stay single, then I won’t tell anybody about you being the class weirdo. That big kid who likes to intimidate you doesn’t know what he’s talking about anyway.” 

    “Thanks. You’re pretty cool as well.” The two boys smiled at each other for a moment then continued playing in the sandbox. They didn’t say anything else, but they didn’t need to. 

PRESENT DAY 

The innocence of childhood always left a fond memory for Matthew, but in knowing what he knows now about Chris, he kind of had to wonder what drove him to say those things. It wasn’t so much that he was trying to appear cool to him, but was that actually the case? Somewhere deep inside his subconscious mind, he felt this unexplained fear. Would Chris actually use this childish secret of mine against me?, he thought to himself. We were in kindergarten. People change; he needs to accept that. Matthew was starting to get lost in thought, and then he pulled out his phone unconsciously. He started to look up Chris’ number and pressed his cell phone against his ear. He answered on the third ring. “I want you to listen to me loud and clear here. What was said during our time in kindergarten stays in kindergarten. If you do so much as to bring up what I said to anybody, I will come back to haunt you. No joke. Do you understand me, Chris?”

“Oh, I understand you just fine, but your secret is still safe with me. And I hope you realize that I’m not afraid of you. You’re a fraud. You turned your back on me. I just hope you know deep down that what you want going forward is something you won’t be able to keep up with, and once everything you’ve worked for comes crashing down, I’ll be the one to have the last laugh.” Matthew started to shiver a bit at Chris’ words, and in that moment, his lips started to curl up into a snarl. He furrowed his brows. “You know what? Good luck with your pathetic life. I can’t believe I ever stuck out my neck for you. Goodbye.” He immediately hung up the call after making his last statement. Under his breath, Chris snidely said, I could say the same with you, buddy. The emotions he was facing were still raw, and to the point of feeling as if he’s lost more than a best friend. This was enough to convince him that he and Matthew were now traitors to each other. 

After the call had ended, Chris walked back into his mother’s house. She slowly appeared to him and took a good look at him. She then realized that he needed her now more than ever. However, her frail disposition brought a small tear to Chris’ face. The minute she invited him into her arms, he held her for a moment and then decided to haul her into his truck and drove over to the hospital. He knew that she wouldn’t be able to live much longer. Once he arrived, he asked for an ER specialist and decided that it was time. She was first placed under anesthesia so that she wouldn’t feel anything. Once he saw the flat lines on the EKG monitor, she was sent off to the morgue in a gurney with her body completely covered. Watching the whole process made Chris realize all he has left now is himself, but the anger and resentment that he’s kept inside of him no longer seemed to matter. Once he came back to his mother’s small, but comfortable home, he crashed down onto the couch, curled up into a ball and sobbed until he fell asleep. 

My Final Testimony (Coming Back to Jesus)

 Confusion is something that happens in my life more often than not. Confusion and overthinking is what led me to believe that I could live without God when I first entered my 20's. I didn't understand a lot about Him, and because I was allowing my emotions to dictate my train of thought, I ended up rejecting Him early on. 

My identity outside of my disability has been a work in progress for me. I've always enjoyed learning. I still have mostly fond memories of my time in high school, and I especially enjoyed my English classes. Naturally, I'd say that writing became an outlet for me once I turned 16. It's crazy to think how much time has passed since I first started this blog. So who was I if I wasn't keeping myself busy with schoolwork or blogging? I never questioned my mental disabilities when I was younger, but I know I've felt left out at times because sometimes, I had to be separated from my friends and take specialized classes for people with impairments or disabilities. 

Turning 20 honestly imposed a lot of challenges on me. I wasn't ready to grow up. I wasn't ready to face a lot of things on my own; I'm grateful for all the support that my parents have given me over the years, and to this day, I still try my best to remain grateful. I've learned a lot about myself through various relationships, but not all of them were romantic. Different people at work have helped to shape who I am. Any other people that I've sought out, whether in person or online, have also challenged me to look inward more and really figure out some tough questions that most people would struggle to answer within a single lifespan. So where did God fit into this puzzle? Why exactly did I push away and reject Him for so long? Well, I think the reason for that is because I was holding onto a lot of shame, guilt and frustration for knowing my own weaknesses and mental deficiencies. My character is my own to define, or at least, that's what various people have told me, but none of that seemed to be enough for me to keep going. Everything that I do, every choice I make and every thought I have is something that's just part of my own consciousness. That's what some people keep telling me, but honestly, who says that our identities have to be limited to our own mental, physical and emotional abilities or capabilities? 

Overthinking or over-analyzing can only get a person so far in life. Yes, we have so much "potential" that we could tap into. The US is a very abundant and affluent place to live in, but there's another part of our health that gets sorely overlooked: our spiritual health. Do you believe that God exists? A lot of people like to push traditional boundaries and find their own path within the more modern realm of spirituality; I'm not going to knock on or judge those principles, but believing that there's a Creator who has willed everything into existence, and has a power that's beyond what any human being can understand... I can say that I wholeheartedly believe in that now. Everything that the Bible talks about isn't just stories or fables. They're blueprints that help to guide humanity and give a sense of direction on how to live a life that's in alignment with what He sees and values. 

My purpose lies in His hands now. The more I pray and remind myself of how much God loves me for who I am even if I fall short sometimes, the more I'm able to recognize my worth- and not with my own set of eyes anymore. It's honestly quite freeing to realize that all I have to do is just be me, and God can help steer me in the right direction in any situation. His trust doesn't need to be earned nor do we have to come up with some formulated blueprint of what we think is required to know who God is. I've tried doing Christianity from that perspective, and it just doesn't work. There's a difference between spirituality and religion. I hope hearing my insights and reading this testimony can help inspire you in some way. Thanks for reading! 

Personal Reflections & Goals: Hobbies & Passions

My hobbies are for my own sense of peace and satisfaction, but making time for them isn't always easy. There are a lot of things I enjoy doing for fun- reading, blogging, doing puzzles, sketching, playing the piano or just spending time with my 2 cats. 

I've struggled a lot to identify what it is that I feel passionate about over the years. I have ADD, so it's hard enough to keep myself focused on the bigger picture sometimes or to not get distracted by things. I know that fashion is something I've always held a passion for. I also know that self-expression is important to me in general. I love writing. I love posting different musings, stories or other interests I have onto this blog. 

I've circled through a lot of different topics onto this blog, like fashion, minimalism, anime or any other shows/movies I've watched. I know I've also talked about other lifestyle related things, like health and wellness. I've learned a lot about myself because of me talking about all these different interests I have, and I'm glad that I have this blog as a time capsule of sorts to help document my growth as a person. 

There is no definitive conclusion I have for this particular post, but I do know that for a while at least, I've been inactive here on my blog. I'm going to start changing that. If there are any small goals I have going forward, it's not only to start blogging again (generally speaking), but also to start thinking more creatively again when it comes to what kind of content I want to make. I think that going forward, I want to start being more open and spontaneous when it comes to what it is I decide to write about. Writing stories takes up a lot of time, but there are still certain aspects of the process that I enjoy. I'm sure I'll find more inspiration on things to write about as time goes on, but for now, this post is going to act as a spring board for more creative growth and spontaneity! 

Novella: Your Love Has Poisoned Me (Chapters 6 & 7)

CHAPTER 6: JEALOUSY & SWEET REVENGE

A few days have passed since her meetup with Matthew, and because of how good it felt to catch up with him, Rachel decided to give herself some time to rest instead of going to work. Her work schedule is usually pretty flexible because it’s a hybrid mix of work from home or in an office, and because she had spent more than enough hours on the pile of articles she needed to write up in previous weeks, she knew she wouldn’t have any new assignments to finish for the rest of the month. Her first thought as she took her time walking down the sidewalk was to treat herself to a late morning snack, so she decided to head down to the cafeteria that was adjacent to Matt and Chris’ firm. The minute she walked in, she ordered herself a bear claw, some fruit and a bottle of water. She then found an open seat close to the booth section, and without realizing it until she looked up, Matthew and Chris were standing just a few feet away from her. Her first gut reaction was to dart from the scene and package up her food to eat later, but what happened instead is that she felt this intense desire to walk up to Matthew. Seeing him brought up all sorts of thoughts and feelings that made her feel giddy, excited and also a slight tinge of what seemed to be twisted anger because she knew that Chris was standing right next to him.

She didn’t plan any of this, but the minute Rachel walked up to the two men, she found herself wrapping her own arm around Matthew’s. His expression was that of mild shock, but he didn’t recoil or take his arm away. “Hey babe! How are you doing?” she said in a sing-song voice. Again, Matthew wasn’t sure what to make of this, but he didn’t want to fight against whatever it is Rachel had up her sleeve. He smiled at her and said, “I’m doing great! Would you like to join us for lunch?” Chris cocked up one of his eyebrows, feeling confused by what was going on between his best friend and Rachel. The three of them sat down at one of the open booths, and Rachel quickly picked up her tray of food from the other table and joined them within a matter of seconds.

“So, what made you decide to eat here for lunch?” Chris asked slowly, and with slight apprehension. As he was waiting for a response, he took a moment to twist open his bottle of water. He took a sip, looked up to see Matthew and Rachel pretending to flirt, and then it dawned on him that Rachel was trying to make him jealous. Either that, or perhaps she has finally lost her mind and thought that acting this way with his best friend could teach him a lesson. He wasn’t sure which motivation she was going for, but just as he was starting to get lost in thought, he was cut off. “I just happened to be in the area and thought it’d be nice to enjoy some extra time off. That, plus I really enjoyed talking to you earlier this morning, Matthew.” She gave him an expression that let him know that she was being truthful, but her attempts at flirting with him was starting to make Matthew feel a little off guard. Again, he didn’t want to be rude and tell her to stop, so he just took it in and smiled at her graciously. Once she got up from her seat to excuse herself, the two men looked at each other with the same dumbfounded expression. The confrontation they had about a week ago still left the two men feeling somewhat distant with each other, even though they had made up. Matthew’s feelings for Rachel had left a pretty big weight on Chris’ shoulders because he wasn’t sure if it would be in his best interest to trust his best friend again, even though he sometimes felt foolish for admitting that considering the amount of trust Matthew still had in him. Personality differences are one thing, but ever since Rachel came into the picture, the two of them have been talking less, and the thought of losing his best friend to a woman is something he didn’t want to face because it would mean acknowledging that Matthew had failed to uphold the promise they once made when they were teenagers. Even more so for Chris, this would mean that there would be more uncertainty in his life, and that feeling is something that he knew he wasn’t ready to face.

LEVI & CHRIS: TWISTED UP

Ever since that messy encounter of trying to come out to Alex and introducing her to Michael, Levi has spiraled back into depression, loneliness and a little bit of sadness for what he thought was a good thing. He knew that it was unlikely for Alex to forgive him for lying to her, and thinking about that instantly made him spiral back into feelings of guilt followed by confusion and anger for realizing that his actions came from a place of selfishness. I should have just stayed at home, he thought to himself. As soon as he willed himself to say that, a feeling of self-righteousness surged through his chest. He didn’t want to shame himself or put himself down for coming out after hiding it for so many years. He didn’t want to just sit here in this empty hotel room, drowning himself in feelings of self-pity and misery simply because of how Alex reacted to the whole situation. He wanted to talk to MIchael again. He wanted to be around him, but then a memory from that night at the bar started to resurface. Thinking about the memory gave him an idea, but then he realized that the drunken man sitting at the very table he and Alex sat at is someone he knew nothing about, which intrigued him. He couldn’t remember much else from that night, but for some reason, the man who was slumped on the seat remained a prominent memory. Levi whipped out his phone and tried to look up any information he could find, and sure enough after some scrolling around, he came across a picture of two men smiling, and the name of a law firm showed up in bold text under their faces. He had to admit that the face he recognized out of the two was kind of handsome, but Michael was handsome as well. Sexy even because of the way he carried himself with such ease. There was a different kind of vibe that Levi could pick up from the picture, and before his brain could catch up to the emotions he was experiencing, he dialed the number of the law firm.

Chris and Matthew had made it back up to their shared office and were taking a short break in between clients. Just as Matthew had sat down on one of the leather swivel chairs, the phone rang. He picked up on the first ring. “This is the Ferrell and Chase firm. My name is Matthew Chase. How can I be of assistance?”

“Hi, I’m not here to settle any legal matters. I just wanted to talk to your business partner. The situation is classified and personal.” Matthew made a face and handed the phone to Chris. “It’s for you,” he mouthed while keeping his hand on the receiver. Once Chris took the phone, Matthew buried his face in his computer. “This is Chris Ferrell. What can I do for you today?”
“I would actually like to ask you that very question. I won’t be in the area for much longer and was wondering if you could give me some recommendations for Asian restaurants. I have a proposition for you, so once I can get those recommendations, I’d love to partner up with you and talk over lunch. It’s nothing too serious. So what do you say? Is it a date?” For a moment, Chris found himself in a state of genuine shock. He couldn’t tell if this man who refused to give his name was wanting to talk business, or if he was trying to come onto him. It wouldn’t be the first time this sort of thing has happened since being in his 20’s, but that was an isolated incident and of which involved a very big misunderstanding. He hung up once the guy was done talking. “What was that about?” Matthew asked. Chris paused for a moment before answering. “I think I was just asked out on a date with another man…,” he said slowly. Matthew resisted the urge to laugh, which made Chris sneer in his direction, and then he turned his back on his friend. He then turned back around to face Matthew and said, “Laugh if you must, but you’d be surprised to know that while you were off gallivanting around with Rachel at the time, I actually attended one party that was meant for gay people. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I only stayed for a total of five minutes as I was trying to find the entrance to a different party.” Matthew perked up his eyebrows and hunched over his desk with his face in his hands. “Please, tell me more!” he exclaimed in what seemed to be genuine intrigue. Chris felt a flush of sudden embarrassment surging right through him. He gave a small smirk, thinking it wouldn’t hurt to share more of this one story, even though he was starting to feel red in the face. “I was invited to a party during the middle of freshman year. Initially when I realized I had stepped foot in the wrong door, I wanted to leave immediately. Before I could do so however, some guy had willed me away from the doorway and the two of us shared a playful kiss. It really didn’t feel like much of anything. I think the guy who found me was enjoying the moment more than I was.” Chris had to catch his breath because the moment he looked in Matthew’s direction, he could see him pursing his lips to avoid exploding with laughter. “Wow! What a story. How come you never told me this?”
“Because it was the most embarrassing thing I’ve experienced in my whole life! I’m so glad no one at the freshman party noticed how embarrassed I felt when I finally showed up, or if they did, perhaps they knew better than to ask.” Just thinking about it made Chris want to retreat from the office and hide in a dark corner. Matthew couldn’t stop laughing his head off, which only made Chris feel annoyed and agitated. “Look man, I’m sorry for laughing, but this is just something that I never knew about you! We were roommates throughout all four years of college! Parties are bound to get wild.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think that I’d be put in a position of mistaking one party for another one! And now that you know, you’re probably never going to let me hear the end of it. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.” Chris planted his face into his hand, lamenting still in his own mistake. Once Matthew had stopped laughing, he made his way back to his seat.

Levi’s attempt at reaching the firm was successful, but he wasn’t sure if the guy would actually follow through with his request. He had to admit that perhaps this guy was out of his league, but now that he was allowing himself to be who he truly is, he felt as if he had done something right to celebrate the moment. He wanted to go on more dates and forget about Alex. He wanted to move on with his life, and he certainly didn’t want to go back home where he would end up feeling suffocated again. Just the thought of going back made his stomach churn in great discomfort. I should probably cancel my flight, Levi thought to himself. Just as he was starting to feel more confident in himself, he remembered that he was still wearing the engagement ring he bought when he prematurely asked Alex to marry him. With the engagement being called off and knowing that Alex was flying back to his hometown today, he realized right then and there that he wanted to stay in Las Vegas. Coming back home just didn’t feel like an option anymore. He wanted to start fresh and not let anything else weigh him down. It was at this moment that he called the jeweler about returning the ring, and he also decided that tonight would be his night. The only question left in his mind was to either follow through with this new date he set himself up for, or to return Michael’s several missed calls as well as listening to the voicemail he left behind. He decided to listen to the voicemail first.

Hey, it’s me, Michael. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I haven’t heard from you in a while… Did you and your fiance get things sorted out? I kind of feel bad for how things went when you tried to introduce me to her. Call me back!

Levi contemplated Michael’s words for a bit. He then decided to call up the firm again, but the call went straight to the answering machine. Prior to coming out to Alex, he realized that perhaps he was moving too fast and had no idea what he was doing. At the same however, part of him was done caring about Alex. He still didn’t understand why the sudden urge to marry her came into his mind when they were talking together at the airport. Am I losing my mind here?, he asked himself. He couldn’t make sense of his thoughts and feelings, and then he checked his phone, wondering if he should call Michael back. Just as he was about to look up Michael’s number in his contact list, an unknown number showed up on his phone. He answered it on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Hi, this is Chris from the law firm. I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing here, but I’m not interested. I’m not even into guys like you. Please don’t contact me again. If you do, I won’t hesitate to call the police on you.” The man hung up without giving Levi a chance to speak, which pretty much let him know that the date wasn’t going to happen. He then let out a sigh and contacted Michael. The call went straight to voicemail, but because he couldn’t think of what to say, he ended the call right away after the beep sounded. With Chris’ rejection sitting in the pit of his stomach and no other options left on how to fill his time, Levi decided to head to bed. Am I really this much of a noob when it comes to dating, or is it something else?, he thought to himself while staring up at the bedroom ceiling. He had to admit that since spontaneously planning this trip to Vegas, things haven’t exactly been working out in his favor. He pretty much felt as if he had lost his childhood best friend, and he recognized his own faults in that regard. He just didn’t enjoy that stinging sensation of being rejected while also being freezed out by another potential date. With his patience wearing thin but also recognizing how tired he felt, Levi let out a defeated sigh. He knew deep down that going to bed would be the best option.

CHAPTER 7: A SWIFT ENCOUNTER

Since that encounter during lunch with Chris and Matthew, Rachel was starting to feel less like herself. She found it hard to concentrate at work, and no matter how hard she tried to remain calm and rational in her thoughts, she knew that it wouldn’t last long. The memories of Chris were burned into her brain, and the amount of times she was able to sleep without feeling angry or sad were few and in between.

By complete surprise a few days later, Rachel bumped into a familiar face as she was heading into a local coffee shop. Of course, it was the one that Chris took her to, and the memory of that one date made her grimace under her breath. She and the stranger exchanged apologies for not seeing each other upon entering the place, but once they took a good look at each other, Rachel was the first to say something, “Didn’t we meet earlier in the summer? I feel like I’ve seen you before.”
    “Now that I’m thinking about it, I think we did. I was with my ex-fiance. I flew back home early. Isn’t your name Rachel?”
“Yeah, it is.” The two women smiled at each other for a moment. “Your name is Alex, right?”
    “Yup, that’s me! You have a good memory.” Rachel started to blush a little in response to the compliment Alex gave. She then noticed that her hair was shorter; it was cut into a pixie style, which suited her. “Would you want to sit with me once we order?”
    “Sure thing! I’ll meet you over there by the booth in the corner.”
“Actually, is it okay if we sit outside? It feels a little stuffy in here…”. Once the two women had received their coffee orders, they exited the front door and sat at one of the tables near the entrance. “So… what’s new with you?” Alex asked shyly. Rachel removed the lid from her cup and took a sip before responding. “Nothing worth noting. Work’s been kind of slow lately.”
    “Are you still seeing that guy that you were with when we bumped into each other over the summer?” Rachel was taken aback by the blunt nature in which Alex prompted the question. “You mean Chris? It’s kind of a long story.” Rachel was starting to feel a little sheepish and unsure of how to answer her question further. “How much do you really want to know?”

“I’ve got time. The only reason why I came back is because I’m hoping to score an interview for a new job. I took the rest of the summer off to do my own thing, and now that I’ve finished getting my degree, I thought the next logical step would be to find a job. There’s just something about Vegas that I’ve really come to enjoy… but before I ramble on any further, I should probably allow you to talk about this whole Chris situation.” Rachel let out a small grin. She still wasn’t sure of where to start, and truth be told, she also wasn’t sure if she was ready to share those details. Her own emotional state was still in a rocky place. Thinking about it at that moment started to make her feel a mix of sadness and guilt, and also a little bit of anger. “Did I hit a nerve there? I’m sorry if I did. Perhaps I shouldn’t have come on so strong.”

“It’s fine,” Rachel said dryly. The two of them sat in silence for a while until they noticed yet another familiar face enter the coffee shop. It was Chris, and even though he didn’t look in her direction, she surely noticed him and started to feel herself crumble on the inside. Her first instinct was to find another way to toy with his heart like he did hers, but then her emotions started to take full control and she wanted to hide and cry for reasons that still didn’t make sense to her. Alex started to notice the way Rachel was acting, so she stood up, took Rachel by the hand and said, “I can see now that things haven’t been going well since the last time we saw each other. Why don’t we get away from this place and find somewhere else to hang out at? My interview isn’t until 4 pm anyways. Do you need something to eat?” Rachel didn’t say anything, but she nodded her head in a way that signaled yes.

MATTHEW & CHRIS: SPEAK UP

Even though the two men were still able to be around each other on professional terms, both Chris and Matthew still kept distant from each other. In Chris’ mind, there was nothing for him to say or defend. With him knowing how his best friend really felt about Rachel, he decided to just carry on like everything is normal. Matthew, however, was wrestling with a lot of different thoughts and feelings, some of which were of no fault but his own. Admitting to his best friend that he did have feelings for Rachel has suddenly added a wrench into his friendship with Chris, or at least, that’s what he thought. Most days, it seemed as if Chris was just in his own little world and didn’t care about what was going on with him, which would sometimes make him feel insecure. Other times, he would shove away his anxious thoughts and carry on with his job like it’s nothing. On this day in particular however, he was starting to feel uncomfortable. Every little thing was suddenly starting to make him feel extremely annoyed, like the way Chris would take his sweet time walking in and out the door whenever he had to run a quick errand, or how he would look at himself in the mirror every five or ten minutes. By the time the day had ended and the two men were back in their shared apartment, Matthew let out a heavy sigh, but Chris didn’t take any notice of it. Chris also didn’t notice when Matthew tried to pry open a jar of pickles, though he did roll his eyes when he noticed Matthew taking out the pickle jar. He knew that Matthew’s taste in snacks was peculiar, but pickles is something he didn’t know his best friend enjoyed. Instead of saying anything or offering to help, Chris got up from the kitchen table and headed on over to his bedroom. Matthew grunted in annoyance and slammed the jar on the table, which caused the jar to break and make a mess on the floor. He grunted again and started to frantically search for the broom and dust pan, and once he found it, he cleaned up his mess. Chris came out of his room and saw what Matthew was doing, but he didn’t do anything. He just walked up to the living room area and sat down on the couch. The only time he flinched is when he heard Matthew cursing loudly after cutting himself on a piece of glass. It wasn’t until he finally got up that he realized that Matthew had finally lost it. “Okay, I gotta admit that this whole mess here is kind of making you look pathetic,” Chris finally said. Matthew ignored the comment and continued to suck on his knuckle. He was squatting close to the floor with his knees close to his chest, and he kept muttering to himself. Instead of stooping down to his level, Chris decided to offer his hand and firmly said, “Get up off the floor, man. You look like a beggar.” Matthew didn’t take his friend’s hand. He just continued to rock himself, back and forth and sucking on his knuckle. Chris thought about just leaving his best friend in the condition he was in, but instead, he put a hand on Matthew’s shoulder and forcibly pried him away from his crouched position. “You’ve been acting weird ever since we arrived home from work. Is there something I should know about?” He didn’t get a response. Matthew refused to take his hand out of his mouth. Chris let out a defeated sigh. “Can I see that hand of yours? We have band aids.” In that instant, Matthew finally took his hand out of his mouth. The incision from the glass was still tender and sensitive, but the bleeding had finally stopped. “It really hurt, man,” Matthew finally said. Chris groaned softly to himself. “You’re such a baby. You should have just let me clean up this mess, and then you wouldn’t be in this position. And since when have you been a fan of pickles?” Matthew didn’t answer his question, but the minute he heard the word pickles, he covered his face with his good hand. “That was her favorite snack…,” he said softly.
    “Why do you know so much about Rachel, Matthew?”

“Why do you care? You’re the one who messed things up. She doesn’t like you, and I’m pretty sure she has no interest in me. I’m always going to be the guy who’s just friends with her.” Chris tried his best to not take offense to Matthew’s comment by focusing on the wound on his hand. He quickly grabbed the first-aid kit from above the refrigerator then sat back down at the table. After finally finding the right tools he needed, he cleaned up the redness around Matthew’s knuckle and put a band-aid on top of the cut. Matthew offered a small smile to express his thanks. Chris smiled back. Even though they said nothing else at this moment, the two of them seemed to have finally understood each other.

Two days later, both Chris and Matthew decided to take a break from work and try to find something to do together. Chris had the idea of going hiking. Matthew groaned at the suggestion and said, “That’s always your default response! I’d rather do something else for once.”
    “Like what? I don’t see you coming up with any suggestions.”
“I’m trying!” Matthew was starting to feel annoyed, so he decided to check his phone. He pulled up the Fandango app to see if there were any good movies the two of them could agree on. “You better not be texting Rachel. I want today to just be the two of us hanging out.” Chris rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He always hated it when Matthew would check his phone whenever they were spending time together. It just felt rude, like he didn’t value the time he was spending with him. Just as he was about to yank the phone out of Matthew’s hand, Matthew finally looked up and in his direction. “You do realize that I hear everything you’re saying, even if I’m not looking directly at you, right? By the way, there’s one movie out that I think both of us would enjoy.”
    “If it’s another Tom Cruise flick, I’m not interested.”
“Stubborn much? I thought you liked his films.”
    “That’s only because you’d always get excited over them, and every time, you’d always get onto me whenever I ‘rain on your parade’, as you would call it.” Chris rolled his eyes. As per usual, it felt as if this one good little gesture of the two of them spending time together would end up with them bickering like an old married couple. He’s never felt certain of why Matthew always felt the need to point fingers at him for not having any other ideas for bonding activities outside of his usual hobbies. Stubborn. Picky. A man of routine… a creature of habit, though, those words always felt more like an insult in his eyes. What’s so wrong with being someone who simply knows what he likes? His train of thought was cut off when Matthew said, “You know what? I give up. You always make these things more difficult than they need to be. Enjoy hiking by yourself.” Before Chris could utter any other words in response, Matthew retreated back towards the apartment complex. Just as he was working up the nerve to go after his best friend, he felt this nagging feeling inside his chest that he couldn’t comprehend. Are we seriously drifting apart that much?, he thought to himself. He wanted to fight off the urge of what was going on inside of him. He didn’t want to accept it, but instead, he decided to walk towards the nearest bench outside the complex and actually explore his thoughts a little further. The more he actually sat with what was going on between him and Matthew, the more he realized that perhaps the two of them just didn’t have that much in common anymore. Am I better off without him?, he asked himself. Or is he better off without me? For a minute, thinking of the situation from Matthew’s perspective angered him a little. After the moment passed however, he decided that perhaps it was time for him to move on. He then decided to go back inside and head up towards their shared apartment for what felt like the last and final time.