Self-Loathing, Shame and Self Worth

Now we all know that some days in life are better than others, but how do you feel when you say or do something wrong? Christian or not, how do you feel when you mess something up, hurt someone you care about, or think things that make you feel guilty afterwards? Back when I was a Christian, I felt trapped in my own shame because I knew that I would always be a sinner regardless of how much God loved me. I knew that even though grace was supposed to help free me, that feeling of being free only lasted for so long. I may have felt like a new person, but then life would just continue on as usual and I would quickly dirty up my clean slate. We never stay pure in this world and no one is meant to stay good forever. You cannot have good without bad; it's just a never-ending cycle.

I know that life isn't all black and white and that there will always be pain, but I believe that we can choose to look past that pain and try to remember and hold onto the good. Every time you choose to get up and keep on going, you are one step closer to seeing your own strength. Every time you put on a brave face despite how you feel on the inside, you're likely to find out exactly what you're made of. We can choose for ourselves to be strong if we really want to. We don't have to let life bring us down into misery and hopelessness. 

People who believe that only God can heal them are basically looking for the easy way out, and for the longest time, I thought that that was the only answer as well. I thought that God was the answer to everything and that he would give me my self-worth, but that's not the case. Your self-worth comes from seeing how your experiences in life have shaped you. The things you learn as you continue to grow are what defines you and the challenges you overcome give you the strength and confidence you need. Your self worth comes to you when you reflect on the choices you've made and the people you've met over time because life is a never-ending cycle of lessons you need to learn. 

Hating yourself is also another trap in my opinion. Now even as an Atheist, I still sometimes struggle with not hating myself, but back when I wasn't one, my shame for the sins I'd made weighed me down. They pulled me into a state of self-hatred and I didn't know how to climb out from this emotional trap I was in. This is probably the main reason why I've decided to not be a Christian anymore; I couldn't handle all the shame and self-hatred. No matter how hard I tried to turn to God, I still felt helpless. No religion is worth all the guilt in my opinion. We shouldn't have to feel guilty about most things in life unless you have no moral consciousness. However, this doesn't mean I feel guilty whenever I hurt someone or say something I shouldn't have. The only shame I have to face now is the kind of shame that comes with knowing when you do the wrong thing. I'd feel guilty if I were to break someone's heart or if I were to make a mistake that's irreversible, and I've done that plenty of times in my life. Those are only things that would make me feel shameful; everything else is a choice for me to decide on my own.