Random Thoughts About YouTube

My YouTube viewing experience has gone from someone who once was addicted to now someone who uses the platform for inspiration and connection. I enjoy finding people who either make content to inspire other people's creativity or people who just have good, genuine personalities. I enjoy finding people who I can either share my thoughts with or that I can just be entertained by. 

I feel like my standards for who I want to keep in my watch list are becoming higher these days- either that, or I just get bored after a certain amount of time. If I'm just not into someone's content anymore, I'll unsubscribe. If my values start to change and that turns me away from a person's channel, then I'll unsubscribe from that as well. 

So I'm not sure if I'm the only one who feels this way, but I feel like the fashion/beauty world on YouTube is toxic in some ways. Certain fashion/beauty bloggers eventually just end up climbing that social ladder and will unapologetically indulge in expensive designer labels and if I'm being honest, I just don't see the fun in that. The problem however is not with the constant stream of sponsorships or advertisements from high end brands I don't care to throw my money towards, but with the amount of people who blindly walk into a subject without any sort of awareness of how or where these textiles/clothing items are being made. So because of that, I just feel more strongly about slow/sustainable fashion. 

YouTube in general from my point of view is probably limited because I'm not a creator. I don't have that understanding sometimes when it comes to why people compare others' successes in numbers to whatever numbers they don't have (even though I feel like that shouldn't matter at all to be honest). It's this hidden mental/emotional problem that not many content creators talk about, and even if they do and it gets uploaded, the reaction can sometimes be negative. Now I'll admit that I have been part of that negative stigma, but I'm not going to sit on any high horse here and say that I know better than those who are actually making the content because I just don't. I do respect the amount of hard work and dedication that some of these creators have because I do realize that not everybody is going to get lucky in life and just become successful overnight. 

My Insecurities + some self love

For the longest time, I thought I was a "toxic" person. Truth be told, maybe a couple of my habits were toxic in some sense, but I'm starting to realize that they're not as bad as I thought they were in the moment back then. The full reality here though is that social media had messed up my way of thinking and how I see myself on the inside.

I think it's safe to say now that I have a lot insecurity inside of me sometimes. Whenever I find myself getting angry or upset, I use that in ways that work against me instead of for me in a positive way. Being more positive in general hasn't always been an easy trait for me to obtain on a consistent basis. How exactly does that make it hard for me, though?

My emotions are just as normal as anyone else's, but because I have ADD, my brain has to work harder than what's normal. Whenever I find myself feeling angry, depressed or just upset, my thoughts or feelings would get worse or turn to impulsive tendencies if I don't calm myself down. So sometimes, whenever I find myself getting upset over something, I'd sometimes say things that would upset other people. Other times, it would lead to me making poor choices or taking things too far.

So in a nutshell, my insecurities are mostly based on other people's thoughts or perceptions of me. Sometime I'll forget to remind myself of my better qualities, but I try my best to do so anyways to keep myself in a positive mindset.

REMEMBER THESE AFFIRMATIONS
1. You are beautiful
2. You are kind
3. You are sweet and genuine towards other people
4. You are loved and appreciated
5. You have a big heart; those who take the time to recognize that will appreciate it the most

Song Spotlight: Private Parts by Halestorm

For me personally, this song makes me think about that emotional and vulnerable side of the relationship. Sometimes, when you've been with someone long enough, you think that you and your partner are finally able to commit yourselves to each other on a deeper level.

Notice how the first verse makes it sound like Lzzy did something wrong, but in the second verse, James talks about not passing blame onto her for whatever feelings she was trying to express. The song overall seems to be conveying this struggle of connection between two people who are trying to stay committed to each other.

I do feel like this song resonates with me a lot in some ways. My current relationship hasn't been easy by any means, but we love each other wholeheartedly and want to stay in each other's lives regardless. However, I do realize that for some people, dating and relationships can be difficult, but what you just have to learn is that if/when you find someone who treats you right, you need to do the best you can to keep that person in your life. Another thing that I've learned personally is knowing what's most important to you and what you value most in life.