Instead of giving this poem a name, I'm just going to let this exist for what it is... It's not going to rhyme like my old ones. It's not going to have a lyrical format.
Years ago when I had my first heartbreak, I didn't think it would manifest into this
Years of being vicarious and not knowing what I want
Years of feeling lost with no direction
Years of thinking that I was the sole agent of my life
No one else
Nothing else
Self-inflicted depression settles
I'm licking my own wounds from an ache I never thought I'd experience
I spent nearly a decade of my life with someone who wasn't the one
Moving on is an illusion and forgetting about him is impossible
Moving forward and choosing God makes me feel better
God, I just want to feel better
The long-term plan is elusive
If there's no such thing as a happy ending, then perhaps reality is finally making sense
If it's not in the cards for me to date, then I'll just try to be happy being single
If God has a bigger plan for me, then I guess all I can do is trust
But the short term gratification...
But the temptation to keep looking....
It wears down my defenses
Rebellion is all I've known in my dating choices
I want to believe that things will work out for me
I want to believe that the future God knows will actually show up
I'm tired and my head hurts
I'm single, but my heart wants more
Restless and uncomfortable is what I feel when things change for the better
Some people may truly enjoy life alone, but do they genuinely feel happy?
God, show me what it really means to be happy
God, You are my strength. You give me more love than what I could've ever imagined
God, You are what I need. You continuously show me mercy and healing.
I've failed to recognize what love actually requires, and now You're carving out a new path
I've failed to give myself the kind of love that actually matters; You are my portion
My best efforts alone can only go so far
Without Your presence, living feels harder
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