Updated Insight Post: Gender & Sexuality

I may not be an expert when it comes to human biology, but I'd say that I know better than to allow myself to fall under ignorance or denial. Having said that, I think that this is a topic that hasn't been spoken or touched on in a while, and I'd say that my views have only slightly changed since I've last spoken on the matter. 

It is only God who is all knowing; we as human beings have no place to judge, shame or discriminate against others, whether we agree with a person's choices in life or not. In saying this, I'm not saying that we should never criticize someone if certain words or actions have a negative effect on other people's lives. So if a family member or loved one in your personal life is doing something that makes you feel threatened, unsafe or uncomfortable, then of course it's okay to tell that person that their words or actions are having a direct effect on you. On a societal level however, one must understand that telling someone you barely know that their life choices are something you hate or strongly dislike is only bound to make the situation worse. 

So I guess the only thing that hasn't changed in my stance is that I realize people are granted the freedom to choose. Humans were granted the ability to think, feel and love by God, but not everybody is going to recognize God for who He is. This is all just a matter of perspective and maturity in my honest opinion. Whether one wants to acknowledge it or not, gender IS a social construct, and gender is NOT the same as a person's biological sex. Sociologists and other experts in human biology could lay out all the research out there just to disprove this, but the further humanity develops, the more complicated this subject is going to get. People are going to push the boundaries of what gender means for various reasons. The two most pressing problems that I could potentially foresee within this matter are identity and mental health. People want to feel like they belong somewhere, yet on the same side of the coin, a lot of people in this world just don't know how to express what they're feeling deep down. A lot of people have issues with opening up and trusting others. More importantly, there are SO many people who are just struggling in isolation, and not realizing that they don't have to feel alone with whatever their situation is. 

I'm not about to overuse those three words just to make a point, but when it comes to finding yourself and understanding where you fit in best, experience really is the best teacher. Putting yourself out there, no matter how scary or daunting it seems, gets easier over time the more you do it without hesitation. And for anybody who's never been in love, the only thing I can think to say is to question if a life filled with fear or missed opportunities is really worth having. I remember how overwhelming it was to have my first love. And even though it's only been a couple months, I know vividly what it's like to feel pain, hurt, anger and love all at the same time. It's very difficult to navigate those feelings alone. Having a strong support system, from my experiences at least, makes all the difference. 

So in my eyes at least, I really don't care if someone identifies as gay, lesbian, transgender or whatever other type of gender or sexuality that's out there. The only thing that matters is how we treat each other, which should be with love and respect. It's like what the Bible says in John 3:16... "Love your neighbor as yourself". If you can't learn to love yourself first, then how can you expect anybody else to love you in return? 

Living With ADHD (Blog Series)

This post is going to be quick and simple, but I thought that now would be a good time to share with you that I have a big project in the works. Throughout the rest of the year, I'm going to start making more content surrounding my disability and how this affects my everyday life as opposed to all the other subjects that I've been sticking to in previous years on this platform. 

I've been putting in a lot of time to research and self-reflect recently when it comes to how my ADHD shows up in different situations in life. If there's one conclusion I'm starting to form, it's that while I realize I'm not alone with the feelings I have as someone with a disability, it's still hard. Keeping up with how the rest of society does things is exhausting. 

So here's to me finally **taking off the mask. I want people to become more aware and more educated on what it means exactly to have ADHD and to see the struggles that this disability imposes. I hope that you'll stick around to read every post that comes out in this series. And just to give you some context, here's an overview of what I'll be discussing:

1. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

2. Forgetfulness

3. Dealing with Stress In the Workplace 

4. Dealing with Stress in Relationships 

5. Emotional Regulation & Self-Esteem Issues 

6. **Why People Decide to Mask Their ADHD Symptoms**

**This phenomenon will be defined and used in anecdotal situations to help give a better picture, and all sources will be listed and credited at the very bottom of each post. 

Love & Relationships: What Does the Word "Toxic" ACTUALLY Mean?

 According to Oxford, the word "toxic" is defined as poisonous. Now because of social media, it seems as if people like to overuse this word to define certain behaviors that they think are harmful or poisonous in the most superficial of ways. In reality however, the only time this word should be used is if a person is deliberate or malicious in their attempts to damage or hurt another person. So in saying this, let's get one obvious statement out of the way here: no human on this earth is without flaws or faults!!! If you don't believe this to be true in yourself, well then, you're probably part of the problem when it comes to the subject at hand.

Some people carry god-like complexes. Some people have big egos. Some people get insecure or jealous of others who seem better than them, and others may struggle with seeing their worth or value in any capacity. Now, does this mean that the person is toxic? In my humble opinion, at least, I'd say that all humans are capable of becoming toxic IF they lack basic awareness of their words and actions. Self-awareness is a powerful thing, and certain emotions can easily trigger irrational responses. Anger or fear can drive a person into making impulsive decisions. The most severe cases of anxiety, depression or even bipolar disorder, if left untreated, can lead to a path of destruction either onto other people or onto themselves. 

My fascination with psychology and the human mind has existed since the start of me turning 20, but as someone who has experienced depression and issues with low self-esteem, I can fully empathize with anyone who feels as if they're the problem in their relationships. Mental health issues, no matter what they are, take constant effort and need to be looked after on a routine basis like any other facet of our well-being. Add a relationship or marriage into the mix and this can either hinder such issues further, or become a catalyst for growth and healing. It really just depends on a number of factors, one of which being the dynamic between both people and what each of them is willing to do for the other without losing their own sense of self. 

It would be way too easy for me to analyze my own relationship history, so instead of doing that, I'm going to provide a couple more definitions and some anecdotal situations. The first one will be on Narcissistic personality disorder, with which I should add, is NOT the same as narcissism in a general sense. According to Mayoclinic.org, Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. Narcissism, of course, is very much linked to said disorder, but where exactly is the line drawn? I'd like to mention again that because social media likes to take certain words out of context and turn them into jokes or memes, this can water down the original definition of the word. Not everybody is born a narcissist, but because human nature is broken by design, people can certainly develop these complexes over time. The only way to tell the difference between these two word types has much to do with a person's awareness levels as well as their willingness to change their behavior. 

Depression carries many different symptoms and has its own spectrum which varies from person to person. The same can be said for not just other mental health conditions, but also for different mental disabilities like ADHD or autism. It's important to understand this because when it comes to relationships, people have to find ways to communicate with each other in order to have their needs met. If someone with high functioning autism were to date someone with inattentive ADHD, then the ability to communicate and feel seen by each other works in tandem because each person's condition has similarities when it comes to the misunderstanding of nonverbal cues. However, it may take more time for someone with average brainwaves to understand and implement change with someone who has the hyperactive type of ADHD. 

Bringing back the subject of self-awareness, it is possible for anyone to gain this through experience. It's important for all of us as human beings to connect with others regardless of what kind of illness or condition one has, but of course, this shouldn't be at the expense of someone's physical or emotional safety and boundaries. With communication being a vital component for healthy relationships, I shall emphasize how important it is to address your boundaries with others and to be firm with them! Easier said than done sometimes? Yes; I can understand this struggle as I've been in that position one too many times. Standing firm in your boundaries can be hard at first, but the more you practice this, the easier it gets over time. The same can be said for being more assertive and confident if you're someone who struggles with depression or low self-esteem. 

To put all of this into perspective, relationships don't have to feel hard if you're with someone who can unconditionally love and respect you for who you are. However, if a part of you still feels unsafe, unheard or not confident in the potential of your relationship, then it's okay to move on. It's also okay if you feel like you just need a break from being in a long-term relationship, no matter how serious the relationship is. Commitment is a choice; it's not a contract unless you decide to get married, but of course, everybody is going to have their own views, beliefs and opinions on the topic of marriage. Choose what you want for yourself, and the only kind of judgment that should exist in relationships is how someone decides to love and treat you, so make sure you choose wisely.