ADHD and Concentration (Inattention Deficits)

You’ll notice that even though it’s easier for me to classify my disability as ADHD when making this blog series, I was actually diagnosed with ADD as a child. This means that most of my difficulties have to do with my ability to focus or concentrate. In particular, sometimes it can be difficult to complete different tasks when being instructed to. Hyperactivity, for me at least, comes and goes. I don’t remember ever experiencing hyperactivity as a child, but I do remember what my parents have said to me in that I used to have to take what they’d call “pay attention” medicine. Without that medicine, it would become harder for me to stay focused in school.

Nowadays with me being an adult, focus and concentration is something I have to put more effort into. Depending on the task at hand, or on the condition of my mental health, my attention span can either feel all over the place like I’m the energizer bunny, or directly in the zone. The one thing that makes focusing somewhat easier for me now, as opposed to when I was a kid, is that I know which tools to utilize. Sometimes, getting enough exercise or vitamin D can improve my focus and concentration greatly. Other times, I may decide to break up my work into smaller chunks to help avoid fatigue or exhaustion. This system works for school projects or papers, or even when I’m working on creative projects. Even with my day job, I try my best to take small mental breaks, whether it’s for a couple of seconds between each customer, or by simply sitting down once it’s time for me to take one of my unpaid breaks.

Having a shorter attention span, or a “sloth brain” as I’ve once described to a friend of mine, shouldn’t be used as an excuse to not try new things, even if it takes longer to learn them. I know that throughout my 20’s, I’ve experimented with a lot of different productivity methods and dived pretty heavily into minimalism as a lifestyle. And so while I can only speak from personal experience here, decluttering and looking for ways to simplify your life can greatly help to reduce the amount of times you experience an ADHD meltdown, or even a depressed episode. If I were to experience a rough day where my focus and concentration just isn’t where I want it to be and I start feeling the need to withdraw or hide in a corner, sometimes breath work and mindfulness can help alleviate those issues temporarily if not permanently. 

Over the years, I’ve realized that for me at least, my depression has always existed because I wasn’t focusing on my own worth and well-being, and a lot of my self-talk was pretty harsh, negative and unforgiving. And in all honesty here, I still struggle with these things sometimes if not often. Positive thinking is a muscle you have to build up, and while this may sound easy in theory, it can actually take quite a bit of time and practice if you’re just starting out for the first time. And even though I consider myself to be very passionate in my efforts to advocate for better mental health, the truth of the matter is that sometimes, I need to be reminded that I’m human as well. Forgetfulness happens. I still have impulsive tendencies. Like anybody else, I don’t always enjoy putting in the work to take care of myself, but it’s not because I’m “being lazy”... it’s because I have and still experience meltdowns that are in correlation to my attention deficits. 

There was a point of time in my life where I took medication at the start of my 20’s, and for a while, it did help. However, the more I took it as time went on, I started to develop a lot of headaches and pent up tension in my neck and shoulders. I then made the decision to stop taking it because of these “symptoms”, for lack of better word. I still stand firm in this decision to this day as it has allowed me to see my health from a more holistic perspective, and even though my ADD still makes the process more difficult sometimes, I will always try my best to make my health and well-being a priority. Just remember that even if you’re only taking baby steps like drinking enough water, brushing your teeth and washing your face, those tiny little habits can add up over time and help promote a better sense of happiness and wellness. 

ADHD & Communication

This is an area of my life that has been a struggle for me for the longest time. It's frustrating for me to be held to a neuro-typical standard and to be told that I need to stop interrupting others, or that I need to learn to operate on a lesser version of myself. Choosing to be a good listener takes effort. I'm not saying this to make an excuse, because over time, I have gained more awareness of why communication is hard for me. 

I don't like it when I lose my temper or when I'm short on patience. I don't like it when I'm being told the same information multiple times. Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I can't or that I'm unable to retain information; it just takes a little more time for me to understand. Just because I get distracted or lost in thought easily doesn't mean I don't care about another person's input. I've learned over the years that even if I'm not given a lot of information on how to do something, I can find ways to become more adaptable and resourceful, even if I don't always enjoy being put in that position. I also recognize and understand deep down that not everything is going to be spoon-fed to me because well, I'm not a child anymore. I don't see myself as a kid anymore, and if I want to give a good first impression towards anybody I meet either personally or professionally, I have to learn to hold myself to a respectable standard. 

So what kinds of challenges exactly do I face when it comes to communication and ADHD? Losing my train of thought is one instance; it happens to me often. I also tend to be forgetful. Sometimes I need things to be repeated because my ability to maintain focus and concentration is difficult for me, and I know that this is something that's related to the way my brain works. I can't always help it if it seems like I'm zoning out or being spacey. 

Within the ADHD community, you hear certain words or phrases a lot, like "executive functioning" or being neurodivergent. Executive functioning means that in the ADHD brain, it takes more cognitive function from the prefrontal cortex to develop better mechanisms for how we process and store information. Being held to neurotypical standards, or having a brain that can function at a speed that is average, is something that people with ADHD tend to face a lot. Our brains, within society's standards, are not something that's qualified as "normal", and so a lot of everyday tasks that most people can handle easily take extra time and effort in the ADHD brain. The reason why I'm explaining this is because when it comes to communication, there are so many things that go through our mind that we want to say, but if we blurt them out at the wrong time, we could be instantly be met with annoyance or judgment from the other person on the receiving end. Imagine if you told your dog to stop wagging its tail, or if you told a 5-year-old to stop crying. All that's going to do is make the problem worse. That, plus it's just not nice. Within my experiences, I can safely say that I've been slowly trying to better my own bad habits when it comes to communication, but at the end of the day, all of those efforts that I put in still take up a lot of my own mental energy. Over time, this can exhaust my brain if I don't give it proper nourishment and stimulation. 

Excuses come from a place of not wanting to try. I know I've carried a lot of excuses or justifications over the years for why I didn't want to try. I don't consider myself to be lazy, but I am able to recognize when I feel more tired than usual. ADHD burnout is real, and it's a symptom that comes from neglecting my own needs too much and putting everybody else's needs first. This has been a habit I've carried with me for as long as I can remember, and I never could really grasp the concept of boundaries until my later 20's. I feel like at age 31 now, I'm finally starting to recognize what my boundaries are. I have very little tolerance for people that drain my energy, but at the same time, I've become a bit more mature now when it comes to the concept of burning bridges. People shouldn't be treated like meaningless transactions. We are all human at the end of the day and we all carry beating hearts as well as very complex, human emotions. It's slowly become easier for me over time to really understand this, but at the same time, I know I'm not perfect. I still have my moments. It's okay for me to be human, but just like everybody else, I still have the choice to take responsibility for what I say and do- and quite frankly, I feel like I've become a lot smarter over the years than what some people give me credit for. 

Taking responsibility for your actions is important. My life doesn't have to revolve around me, even though I do have ADHD. Becoming an advocate for yourself, and especially your behavior- even if the action wasn't done out of malicious intent- is something that's been ingrained into me since turning 20. People aren't going to sugarcoat things to you the older you get; that's just how life works. However, for us people with ADHD, sometimes we do need that extra guidance. Sometimes we need to be given a gentle reminder every now and then that we are capable of achieving our goals and that someone believes in us. If all we get told is to do something without any other explanation or instructions, then you're basically setting that person up for failure. 

I hope that sharing my own insights and experiences can shed a light on the challenges I face when it comes ADHD and communication. I don't want my posts on this subject to ever come across as complaining, but to be completely honest and transparent here, being an adult just sucks no matter what your circumstances are in life. A little kindness and compassion can go a long way for so many people in this world. I get that life is hard, but I honestly believe that the last thing that we should be focusing on is negativity, complaining, being judgmental, or constantly focusing on a person's faults or shortcomings because over time, this kind of mindset can make people feel like they're worthless or useless. Sending much thanks and gratitude to anyone who has taken the time to read this!