ADHD & Communication

This is an area of my life that has been a struggle for me for the longest time. It's frustrating for me to be held to a neuro-typical standard and to be told that I need to stop interrupting others, or that I need to learn to operate on a lesser version of myself. Choosing to be a good listener takes effort. I'm not saying this to make an excuse, because over time, I have gained more awareness of why communication is hard for me. 

I don't like it when I lose my temper or when I'm short on patience. I don't like it when I'm being told the same information multiple times. Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I can't or that I'm unable to retain information; it just takes a little more time for me to understand. Just because I get distracted or lost in thought easily doesn't mean I don't care about another person's input. I've learned over the years that even if I'm not given a lot of information on how to do something, I can find ways to become more adaptable and resourceful, even if I don't always enjoy being put in that position. I also recognize and understand deep down that not everything is going to be spoon-fed to me because well, I'm not a child anymore. I don't see myself as a kid anymore, and if I want to give a good first impression towards anybody I meet either personally or professionally, I have to learn to hold myself to a respectable standard. 

So what kinds of challenges exactly do I face when it comes to communication and ADHD? Losing my train of thought is one instance; it happens to me often. I also tend to be forgetful. Sometimes I need things to be repeated because my ability to maintain focus and concentration is difficult for me, and I know that this is something that's related to the way my brain works. I can't always help it if it seems like I'm zoning out or being spacey. 

Within the ADHD community, you hear certain words or phrases a lot, like "executive functioning" or being neurodivergent. Executive functioning means that in the ADHD brain, it takes more cognitive function from the prefrontal cortex to develop better mechanisms for how we process and store information. Being held to neurotypical standards, or having a brain that can function at a speed that is average, is something that people with ADHD tend to face a lot. Our brains, within society's standards, are not something that's qualified as "normal", and so a lot of everyday tasks that most people can handle easily take extra time and effort in the ADHD brain. The reason why I'm explaining this is because when it comes to communication, there are so many things that go through our mind that we want to say, but if we blurt them out at the wrong time, we could be instantly be met with annoyance or judgment from the other person on the receiving end. Imagine if you told your dog to stop wagging its tail, or if you told a 5-year-old to stop crying. All that's going to do is make the problem worse. That, plus it's just not nice. Within my experiences, I can safely say that I've been slowly trying to better my own bad habits when it comes to communication, but at the end of the day, all of those efforts that I put in still take up a lot of my own mental energy. Over time, this can exhaust my brain if I don't give it proper nourishment and stimulation. 

Excuses come from a place of not wanting to try. I know I've carried a lot of excuses or justifications over the years for why I didn't want to try. I don't consider myself to be lazy, but I am able to recognize when I feel more tired than usual. ADHD burnout is real, and it's a symptom that comes from neglecting my own needs too much and putting everybody else's needs first. This has been a habit I've carried with me for as long as I can remember, and I never could really grasp the concept of boundaries until my later 20's. I feel like at age 31 now, I'm finally starting to recognize what my boundaries are. I have very little tolerance for people that drain my energy, but at the same time, I've become a bit more mature now when it comes to the concept of burning bridges. People shouldn't be treated like meaningless transactions. We are all human at the end of the day and we all carry beating hearts as well as very complex, human emotions. It's slowly become easier for me over time to really understand this, but at the same time, I know I'm not perfect. I still have my moments. It's okay for me to be human, but just like everybody else, I still have the choice to take responsibility for what I say and do- and quite frankly, I feel like I've become a lot smarter over the years than what some people give me credit for. 

Taking responsibility for your actions is important. My life doesn't have to revolve around me, even though I do have ADHD. Becoming an advocate for yourself, and especially your behavior- even if the action wasn't done out of malicious intent- is something that's been ingrained into me since turning 20. People aren't going to sugarcoat things to you the older you get; that's just how life works. However, for us people with ADHD, sometimes we do need that extra guidance. Sometimes we need to be given a gentle reminder every now and then that we are capable of achieving our goals and that someone believes in us. If all we get told is to do something without any other explanation or instructions, then you're basically setting that person up for failure. 

I hope that sharing my own insights and experiences can shed a light on the challenges I face when it comes ADHD and communication. I don't want my posts on this subject to ever come across as complaining, but to be completely honest and transparent here, being an adult just sucks no matter what your circumstances are in life. A little kindness and compassion can go a long way for so many people in this world. I get that life is hard, but I honestly believe that the last thing that we should be focusing on is negativity, complaining, being judgmental, or constantly focusing on a person's faults or shortcomings because over time, this kind of mindset can make people feel like they're worthless or useless. Sending much thanks and gratitude to anyone who has taken the time to read this!