Film Review: The Boy and the Heron (Studio Ghibli Production)

Because it would be too difficult for me to review this movie without giving away spoilers, I’d advise that you read this at your own risk. I saw this movie in theaters about a month ago and highly enjoyed it, but there’s a lot that I want to discuss about how the movie was structured, as well as some of the characters and their interactions with each other. 

The pacing of this film is done well in my opinion. It’s only been in my own experiences that I’ve never found Hayao Miyazaki’s films to have too many dead moments between each scene. With this movie in particular (The Boy and the Heron), I found that Mahito’s journey provides many purposeful actions, while others help him to understand that not everything is within his control. Having lost his mother at a young age during a time of war- or at least, that’s what is depicted until later in the film- he has to deal with having to move to a new home with his father, who’s now married to Natsuko. 

Early on into the movie, Mahito runs into a talking heron not too long after moving into his new house. I think that what Miyazaki does well with his films is that he incorporates many different layers not just to the story and its characters, but also with different art forms and textures when building each world. Other works like Spirited Away, Howl’s Moving Castle or Castle in the Sky have a very similar feel to them when it comes to the art and illustration of the characters and the world they live in. It’s simplistic, but also colorful, rich and vibrant. This is a classic animation style, but upon seeing that same style in The Boy and the Heron, it made me feel nostalgic in a way, but also comforted and excited. 

Mahito’s interactions with the elderly housekeepers was something that initially made me laugh a little as most elderly women can be very doting on younger people. In other light-hearted moments throughout the movie, you can see that the Grey Heron or even Kiriko share these kinds of interactions through wit or sarcasm. If there’s any connection that becomes the most intense, but also notable for Mahito’s growth, it’s Himi. It’s through her that he’s able to achieve his goal of finding his first mother, but in the same instance, he realizes that what he really needed is to recognize the love she had for him so that he could move forward and accept the love that his step-mother wanted or struggled to give him. 

Without getting too philosophical here, I do want to briefly touch on the themes represented in this film. Sometimes, losses, change and/or moving forward can be extremely difficult if you don’t have a strong enough support system. Mahito’s father, at times, could be seen as supportive or even protective- though, it’s perhaps to the point of coming across as aggressive- of his well-being when he fell ill and passed out, but other times, he could be seen as absent or distant. Mahito’s circumstances in terms of moving to a new environment obviously played a part in his growth, but I’d say that the impact was more of a slow build with some ups and downs. It wasn’t until the very end of the movie where you see him leaving the estate with his father and Natsuko that the three of them finally seem happy with each other. 

For movies of this nature, I’d say it’s important to recognize that not every character needs to be labeled as “good”, “bad” or “evil”. Natsuko was pregnant for most of the movie. Mahito was struggling to adapt to various changes in his environment, and his father Shoichi has a very demanding job as a factory CEO. Even the other secondary characters like the Grey Heron and Kiriko could be seen as catalysts for Mahito’s growth and journey, even if their personalities differed from his. Realism and fantasy are blended well within Miyazaki’s films, and I believe this is one reason why so many people are drawn to them in the first place. Would I recommend this movie for young, school-age children? Probably not. It would be more ideal for teenagers or middle-school aged kids to watch as they may have a better grasp of what’s going on. Having said all of this however, I can say that I highly enjoyed the movie and would rate it at a full 5 stars on a 5-star rating scale. 

Novella: Your Love Has Poisoned Me (Chapter 5)

CHAPTER 5: ARGUMENTS & BROKEN HEARTS

A few days have passed since their time together at the bar, and Alex was starting to feel perplexed by what had happened. She remembered how she felt when Levi proposed to her. She also remembered the memories of when they were little, and when she kissed him on the cheek that one time. She knew that she could be an over-thinker sometimes, but what didn’t make sense to her is why her fiance would dance around intimately with a man that he barely knew. It made her feel as if she didn’t know Levi anymore, but then again, it’s not like they stayed in touch after high school. He never told her much about him on a personal level. Has he always kept his sexuality hidden? Does his family know? Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a knock at the door. It was Levi, but she could tell he wasn’t alone by the muffled laughter coming from the other side. She reluctantly opened the door and let him in.

“Hey, is it okay if my friend can come in as well?” She didn’t respond. She didn’t know what to make of this situation. “If I do, do you promise to not do anything weird or funny around me?” Levi let out a nervous laugh, then motioned for his friend to come in. He held the biggest grin on his face as he said to her, “Babe, I want you to meet Michael. Michael, this is Alex.” Michael tried his best to be polite and extended his hand to shake hers, but Alex didn’t reciprocate the gesture. She just continued to take in Michael’s presence. She felt the need to keep her guard up around both men, and Levi tried to break the ice by saying, “Who wants something to drink? I could get water or soda.”

“That’s a great idea!” Michael said with a grin.
    “Alex, do you want seltzer, water, or 7-Up? Maybe some iced tea? I can call for room service. Michael, are you hungry? I’m getting hungry. I think it’s time for lunch now.”

“No thanks,” is all that Alex said, and in a passive tone. Levi and Michael…. Michael and Levi… she thought to herself. Are these two “just friends”, or did something happen between then and now? And why on earth did you decide to bring him here? Her thoughts were starting to feel louder from within her head and she couldn’t hold them in anymore. Her gut started to drop, and right as the two men were about to sit down on one of the beds to place an order for lunch, she stood up and forcibly escorted Michael out of the room. Michael had a confused look on his face, and after Alex came back, she decided to sit by this person who no longer seemed like her childhood best friend. “Can we talk, please?”
    “About what? And why did you make Michael leave? Is there a problem here?”
“Yes. You’re gay! You never told me this at all. Not when we were kids, and not when we were in high school together. You also never told me this when we were at the airport. Why would you keep this from me?” Alex started to feel tears slowly streaming down her face. Levi didn’t say anything; he didn’t know where to start. “It was just-”

“Just what? You think that one little dance wouldn’t hurt even though you’re the one who proposed to me? You led me to think that we were going to get married. You had a ring prepared. Do you not remember that? Do you remember anything that happened five nights ago?”

“I’m sorry,” he said sympathetically. “It really wasn’t my intention for you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you after coming back from summer vacation back then. I also wanted to tell you when you called me over the phone. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time. I just wasn’t sure how to say it. I wasn’t sure of where to start!” Alex processed his words, and instead of saying anything back, she went up to the hotel room door and opened it. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
    “You can’t be serious.”
“Well, I am. You lied to me, Levi.”
    “I’m sorry! What more do you want me to say?”
“You’ve said enough.” Tears were starting to come back into focus out of the corners of her eyes. Levi wanted to comfort her and be there only for her at that moment, yet at the same time, he had this other feeling tugging at him as thoughts of Michael sprung back into his head. He realized then that it wasn’t a good idea for her to meet Michael, even if he originally thought the idea had good intentions behind it. 

“I’m sorry, Alex. I thought I was doing something good, allowing you to find out this way.” She didn’t say anything back, but he could tell that she was upset with him. He could also sense a little bit of anger in the way she was looking at him. He really wanted to just state his piece fully in order to help reconcile her own feelings, and the longer he lingered in the doorway, the more impatient she started to feel. “Please, Levi. I don’t want to cry in front of you, and I don’t want to talk. I want you to leave. Now.” Still, he couldn’t find it in him to do anything as regret was starting to sink in. In his mind, he felt like he had two choices: stay and try to make things right with Alex, or pursue this new thing he had with Michael. Alex was starting to get irritated. Before he could act, Alex was starting to yell at him while also crying at the same time. She flew her arms at him and tried to punch him but kept missing. Levi felt awful and could feel a pit forming in his stomach, but instead of leaving like what she wanted, he just stood frozen and allowed Alex to cry in his arms.

CHRIS: STRING ME ALONG

The last time Chris and Rachel spoke is when he found her coming into the bar. He was willing to admit that allowing her to see him drunk wasn’t his finest moment, but up until then, he just wasn’t feeling like himself. He wasn’t sure what had come over him prior to drinking his worries away with Matthew. He thought that he had Rachel right where he wanted her. He couldn’t make sense of his thoughts and feelings, and then after taking that third shot, everything just went to black. Chris always knew how to keep to himself, but when it comes to women, he knew nothing. Not once has he ever gone on a date, and with the alcohol out of his system now, the only thing he remembers is that he didn’t want to let his guard down around her. Rachel is Matthew’s friend; he doesn’t want to date her. He doesn’t even know what it means to be a boyfriend or romantic partner to someone. Matthew knows this about him, and yet, he’s the one who was so insistent on setting him up with Rachel. The more Chris allowed himself to think about this, the more irritated he started to feel. He knew that confronting Matthew would lead him nowhere, so instead, he decided to call up Rachel, however naive his attempts were at reconciling his thoughts. She answered his call after the second ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. Would you like to hang out sometime?” She hung up after being presented with the offer. He tried calling her again. “Hello? Rachel?”
    “What do you want, Chris? I’m busy here.”
“Too busy to spend time with me?” he asked in a sing-song tone. “I feel insulted.”
    “Well, you should be.” Her response felt cold and direct.
“Excuse me? What did I ever do to you?” Chris was confused and overwhelmed by how Rachel was speaking to him. Whenever he tried to pry more information out of her, she would just hang up, which only made him feel more angry and impatient. After playing this game of dial and ditch for what felt like ten long minutes, she finally caved, but what she revealed to Chris is something he had no recollection of. He realized then that he had no choice but to shove down his pride and talk to Matthew on the matter. As he expected however, his best friend had nothing more to say or offer in the way of advice since even Matthew seemed agitated with him for reasons he couldn’t understand. The two of them argued back and forth over the phone for well over twenty minutes, and Matthew’s patience eventually ran out. 

“You’re on your own this time, Chris. If Rachel says that you left her hanging for that long, then you need to acknowledge that and move on. It’s not my problem that your memory tank runs empty every time you get drunk. I need to go now.” He hung up without allowing Chris to say anything else, and instead of allowing himself to feel defeated, he decided to call up Rachel one last time. She didn’t answer and the call went straight to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me,” he said to the receiver. “If you don’t want to talk, then that’s fine, but I hope you’ll eventually reconsider my offer. I still want to be around you. I’m sorry for ghosting you a few months ago. I’m not good at this whole dating thing, but I do still want to be in your life, even if it’s just as friends. Can we please start over? I’ll talk to you later.”

Rachel’s silence over time grew to annoy Chris because he genuinely thought his apology was sincere enough to win her back. He wanted her back, and he wanted her to understand him. And perhaps underneath it all, he realized that feeling misunderstood is something he was starting to feel less content with. Throughout his childhood, it never bothered him at all, but this time, it felt different. It almost felt personal, and he didn’t know how to reconcile his thoughts or feelings on the matter. And no matter how many times he would go out to drink away his problems, that nagging feeling of being silently rejected only made him grow more resentful and angry on the inside, and to the point that he didn’t want to face Matthew; he had this hunch that Matthew felt the same way towards him as well. One day, the two men entered the firm together but didn’t say a word to each other. And every time one of them had to walk into the office to grab something, their eyes never darted within each other’s view. It wasn’t until they bumped into each other during their lunch break that Matthew finally broke the silence. “Watch where you’re going,” he said gruffly. Chris grunted back, and without meaning to, the two of them ended up sitting together at the same table. “Dude, pick a different table!” Chris exclaimed with a half-annoyed grimace. Matthew responded childishly, saying, “I was here first.” After a long moment of silence passed, Chris pushed away his tray of food and stood up to look his best friend directly in the eyes. “What is your problem? You haven’t talked to me in weeks! Are you mad at me?”
    “Yes, I am mad at you.”
“Tell me what for.”
    “Are you honestly this stupid? You know what you did to Rachel, and she’s a good friend of mine. It shouldn’t be this difficult for you to put two and two together, Mr. Lawyer.” Chris ignored his friend’s petty remark. “Is that what this is about? If you care about her that much, then why don’t you date her? You seem to care so much about her well-being. I’m sorry if my actions towards her have offended you this much. The two of you might as well…”
    “Don’t you dare finish that thought!” Matthew’s voice was louder than what he intended, but what Chris had insinuated about him marrying Rachel is something he wasn’t ready to hear.

“Look who’s being prideful now,” Chris said. His tone was more direct, but there was a bit of sarcasm lurking underneath. “You’re always the one to call me out on my faults, and yet, it seems as if you’re the one who has genuine feelings for her. I just want her to talk to me again.”
    “And for what reason? Just so you can toy with her heart again?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You know what kind of person I am!” At this point in their fight, the two of them were loudly shouting. A couple of people were starting to notice, but most others were just passing by and only took note of what was going on for a split second before leaving the cafeteria.

“That’s my point exactly!” Matthew was starting to feel exasperated by Chris’ lack of clairvoyance. “You don’t know how to treat women with any respect or decency! You think that you can just claim someone, string them along with no regard to how your actions affect other people and then just run away as soon as you catch feelings for them. That’s not how dating works. I can’t believe I allowed myself to set you up with her!” Upon hearing that, Chris grew furious, but didn’t say anything back. The two men fell silent again upon leaving the cafeteria and didn’t speak for the rest of the night going home. It wasn’t until Chris opened the apartment door that Matthew let his guard down for the first time in a long time. “I’m still mad at you, but if you really want to know, I do have feelings for Rachel. I didn’t realize it at the time when we first started talking back in college. She couldn’t stop talking about you. I shouldn’t have taken my jealousy out on you.” Chris didn’t respond, but in that moment, he realized that perhaps his efforts in trying to communicate with Rachel needed to come to an end. He was growing tired anyways of keeping all of this anger inside of him, and for reasons that suddenly felt insignificant.

RACHEL: UP AND DOWN

Despite her best efforts to not think about it, Rachel’s emotional state would sometimes keep her in a whirlwind of confusion, sadness, hurt and anger because of Chris’ behavior. What kind of man decides to go on two dates with a woman, reject her kiss and then go on ghost mode for an extended amount of time?, she thought to herself. Some days at work, she would be able to keep her thoughts and feelings at bay by clocking overtime, never leaving her desk. By night however, she would sometimes find herself missing him and then getting mad at herself for feeling that way. “Ugh, what is wrong with me?!” she exclaimed to herself out loud. “I never should have pressed so hard to go out with Chris when Matthew was talking about him back in college. I’m so stupid! Naive and stupid!” She slammed her fists into one of the pillows onto her bed, fighting against her own tears. Just as she was slowly giving into her emotions, her cell phone started to ring from her nightstand. She recognized through the caller ID that it was Matthew. She quickly wiped her eyes with one of her pajama sleeves and answered on the third ring. “Hello? Matthew?”
    “How are you doing? I just thought I’d call and see if you’re doing okay. I know we haven’t talked in a while…”. Hearing his voice made Rachel feel a little less tense. She took a deep breath before answering. “I’ve been doing alright.”

“Are you sure? You sound tired. I wouldn’t mind stopping by in the morning, just to catch up if you’d like. I know that Chris was a jerk to you, so I thought you could use the support of someone who doesn’t give you constant headaches.” Hearing him make that comment willed a small chuckle out of Rachel. He always knew how to make her laugh; that’s one of the reasons why the two of them got along so well. That, plus he just had this easy-going kind of personality. “I guess I wouldn’t mind that. Thank you, Matthew.”

“My pleasure! I can even get you some coffee before stopping by. I know what you like.” For a moment after he ended the call, Rachel started to smile and all of her other worries suddenly didn’t matter. Chris didn’t matter, and then she started to take a moment to appreciate her friendship with Matthew. He knew that she was fond of him and always enjoyed his company. Once the moment faded however, she found herself missing Chris again. She felt angry for a moment, but instead of going back in this vicious cycle of up and down emotions, she gave into her sadness- however confusing it made her feel- and cried herself to sleep.

Novella: Your Love Has Poisoned Me (Chapters 3 & 4)

CHAPTER 3: Game On

Rachel wasn’t ready to be asked out on a second date, but it happened. Chris had asked her one night if she was into art museums, and without a second of hesitation, she said yes. Just as she said that to him, however, she realized that perhaps she should have been more discerning. She wasn’t sure if she could trust Chris or not, and deep down, her first instinct was to play it safe with him, especially since he didn’t kiss her after their first date together. He also didn’t kiss her when she first met him at his apartment. Everything about him just seemed to feel cryptic and she didn’t want to let her guard down. However, all of her reservations just flew out the window when he showed up at her front door with a bouquet of roses. He was wearing a full suit, and his hair was perfectly trimmed. He had a sly look on his face for a moment, which then turned quickly into a soft grin. This made her feel nervous. “What’s with the suit, handsome?” He picked up on the compliment and responded, “I just wanted to make a good first impression. Well that, plus I wanted to take you out to dinner before the main event.”

“Well that’s very sweet of you. Are we expecting a limo to pick us up then?” Chris gave out a small chuckle in amusement. He then noticed a sensation happening in his body, but he couldn’t make anything of it, so he shrugged it off. He opened the door to his car and motioned for Rachel to step in. As she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, she noticed that Chris was looking at her through the rear view mirror. His deep, hazel eyes seemed to pierce into hers for a quick moment in time and the two of them rode in the car in comfortable silence.

Once they reached the restaurant, Chris was a complete gentleman. He always let Rachel go in first before him, and even during their meal together, he was attentive. After the two of them had ordered their meals, he stayed engaged by asking the right questions. For a moment in time, Rachel thought that she was dreaming because of how he was acting around her. Matthew is not going to believe a word of how tonight’s going down so far, she thought to herself. He’s told her about Chris and his odd personality. For a man of his stature, she thought that Matthew was describing this caricature of a person who was detached from reality, but the person she was with tonight seemed like nothing of the sort. She wasn’t even sure if his intentions were genuine or not when he asked her out the first time. Of course, that date was a bit more casual, but even then, she sensed that Chris had some sort of agenda behind his intentions, but she couldn’t figure out what. Just as she was getting up from her seat to use the restroom, Chris got up as well. “Is everything okay?”

    “Yeah, I just need to freshen up for a moment. The air here feels a little dry.”
“Don’t be long then. Our main destination isn’t going to stay open all night.” Rachel slowly walked away from the table, and again for a moment, their eyes met with a gaze that felt intense enough to make her feel uncomfortable.

By the time Rachel and Chris made it to the inside of the art museum, Rachel realized that she had left her phone in the car. “Phones aren’t permitted in the space anyway,” Chris had said before opening the car door for her. The two of them took their time as they fixed their gazes from one art piece to the next in silence. Once they had gone through the entire museum’s collections, Chris took her back to her apartment. Rachel insisted on him coming inside and making himself comfortable. “I never knew just how astonishing art could be. Some of what I saw made me feel something, but I can’t quite pinpoint what the feeling is. It’s like getting a glimpse into a person’s soul.”
    “Well, I’m glad I took you out to the place then. Which piece was your favorite?” Instead of answering his question, Rachel decided to inch closer towards Chris. She wasn’t sure why her body wanted his closeness, but she couldn’t help herself. The further she inched in, the more Chris wanted to pull away out of nervousness. He wasn’t sure how to act around her. He tried his best all night to keep things normal around her, and admitting, he realized that her eyes still captivated him. With the night still feeling young, both Chris and Rachel realized that they didn’t want to say goodbye to each other yet. Rachel stepped out of the room for a moment to get herself into more comfortable clothes. When she came back into the living room, Chris stood up. Even in sweatpants and a t-shirt, she still looked amazing. Instead of heading towards the door, he inched closer to her; almost close enough to kiss her. His eyes, yet again, became fixated onto hers. Rachel broke off from his gaze and inched his head closer to hers. Before he had a chance to react, Rachel was planting her lips onto his. He pushed her away immediately.

“I should really get going now,” he said to her. “Thank you for letting me take you out tonight.”

“I should be the one thanking you, Chris. I enjoyed-” He immediately shut the door behind him without a second glance, and it was in that moment that Rachel started to come back to reality. What just happened?, she asked herself. Did I just kiss him? And why did he leave so suddenly? Her thoughts started to make her feel overwhelmed, so she made her way to the bedroom and set herself down onto her bed.

CHRIS: FLASHBACKS

All throughout the date, even though he tried to hide it, Chris found himself feeling certain things. Was it an attraction? Is he even capable of catching feelings for someone? He wasn’t sure what to make of the situation, and as he laid on his bed with his suit still halfway on, he realized that this is one small change that he wasn’t able to see coming. What is happening to me?, he asked himself. He knew that if he really wanted to, he could talk to Matthew about this. However, his first instinct was to hold onto his pride. Perhaps I should lay low for a while, he thought to himself. I did already take Rachel out on two dates. But then he remembered one crucial piece of information: she kissed him, and on the lips. In the moment when it happened, he felt this heat rising up in him from below his stomach and into his chest. He then panicked and just ended things right there immediately. This is insane! How could I have forgotten about that kiss?! The more he replayed that moment in his mind, the more he realized that he wasn’t ready to pursue anything further with Rachel and then decided that he wasn’t going to contact her again.

In his childhood, Chris had been called many things. He wasn’t popular among his classmates in the sense that he was close to any of them, but considering the odd nicknames that his supposed friends came up with, he realized that perhaps he could learn to live with the reputation he was given. “He’s such a weirdo,” said one kid who was observing Chris from a distance. Of course, he didn’t understand exactly what made him come across as weird. Chris was just minding his own business and playing with a handful of grass and dirt. Perhaps to his classmate, playing with dirt and grass was considered weird. To him however, he was just fascinated with the little organisms that were living inside of the ground. One time during recess, he came to his spot in the school yard and found an ant hill. His first instinct was to just observe it with an intense gaze, but then he noticed a worm sprouting up a few inches away from the ant hill. He took it out of the ground, and just as he was becoming invested in what he found, a bird who was pecking around for food started to peck at him and took the worm from his hands.

As he grew older, Chris’ fascinations became more exotic, and in high school, this one guy who was surely leaner and bigger than him took every opportunity he could find just to make it known that Chris would never be seen as normal. One time during lunch, Chris brought with him a meal that his mother had made. She wasn’t much of a cook, but on the one day she decided to be domestic, she whipped up some hot dogs and chili. She also stashed in a bag of corn chips and a pudding cup. She knew how much Chris had loved pudding growing up, and because money was tight with her being a single mom, she had to save up every last penny she made as a waitress just to ensure she could buy all of the foods that were on his wish list. Needless to say that the lunch he brought in on this typical day really made him smile, but then Andy showed up. He had an entourage of friends circled around him, and Chris knew at that moment that there was nothing he could do to help himself. He could tell that Andy was in a mood, and because he didn’t want to start the day off on the wrong foot, he shoved his homemade lunch in Andy’s face and then ran away. The bag made a small thud once it hit the floor next to Andy’s feet, and just as he picked up the bag to see what was inside, Chris came running back. He quickly shoved his hand in the bag to retrieve the pudding cup, then retreated again from the scene.

As if his reputation hadn’t already been enough to make him feel like an alien amongst his peers throughout his school years, the only thing that seemed to make Chris feel somewhat human is when he and Matthew became friends. It was in kindergarten when they first met, and neither one of them had any interest in staying in the classroom for nap time. Instead, the two of them decided to skip nap time and just roam about the hallway. After a few slow minutes passed, Matthew had the idea of raiding the cafeteria to see if there was any pudding in stock. Surely enough when they arrived, the two of them found big tubs of chocolate and vanilla pudding in the back stockroom, and because the door to the room was left open, all they had to do was sneak in and help themselves. By the time they were finished and felt full, the room was left a big sticky mess. The two boys slowly made their way back to the classroom, but by the time they reentered, they saw the disappointed look on the teacher’s face. They ended up having to stay late after school let out and were forced to write "I will not leave nap time again” in big letters on the chalkboard one hundred times.

MATTHEW: MEMORIES

The trouble that he and Chris used to get into as kids is something that always brought a smile to Matthew’s face. He knew back then that as kids, the two of them just wanted to do their own thing and have endless amounts of fun. However, reality came to him sooner than Chris once he realized that college is something he wanted to pursue. Growing up, he would always become associated with the nerdy type of crowd, but he never cared to let that bother him. Supposedly, Matthew realized that his confidence and self-assured nature could be something he subconsciously picked up from Chris. The two of them did always have this unspoken, mutual understanding of each other. The only difference is that college challenged him, whereas Chris ended up having multiple scholarships to choose from after graduating as well as earning a nearly flawless GPA score without breaking so much of a sweat. It was always easy for his best friend to stay focused and determined, never swaying away from his original goals and plans. Matthew, on the other hand, had struggled in some of his classes because he became more interested in joining fraternities and going out to wild parties with friends. It was at that point he realized that it would take him a little while longer to catch up to Chris as he was close to failing his philosophy and physics classes.

Once Matthew came to the realization that being in a fraternity wasn’t his thing, he decided to pick up the slack in his studies by going to the library. He thought that going there would help to boost his concentration, but what happened instead is that he met Rachel. The two of them started off just talking about their classes and what their majors were, and the next thing he knew, he was venting about all of his academic frustrations to her. He thought he was surely going to fail, and he kept comparing his own lackluster efforts to that of Chris. He was so sure that at that moment, Rachel would come to his rescue and say “I’m sorry you're having a hard time… Perhaps the two of us can get together and become study buddies!”. What happened instead is that she started encouraging more talks about Chris and what kind of person he was. For a moment, he felt insulted by the turn of conversation. But the more information he gave about his best friend to her, the more he realized that perhaps it was time for his best friend to have a wake-up call of his own. However twisted his thinking was at the time, he knew that he couldn’t allow himself to wallow in self-pity simply because his best friend was more naturally gifted when it came to academics.

CHAPTER 4: THE DOUBLE DATE

Levi’s life at home was pretty predictable. The only time he had been away from home is when his mother decided that a vacation could help to fix his issues with depression and insomnia. One summer, back when he was thirteen years old, he made a trip to California to visit his aunt and uncle. They had always doted on him to his mother, saying that he’s such a handsome boy and could really use more time away from the stress of being a middle child. Of course, the only response that she would give in return is a modest smile and a hearty thank you for always being so loving and supportive. What she, or even Levi, didn’t realize, is that when he arrived at his aunt and uncle’s house, both of them suddenly realized that perhaps Brenda and Benjamin were right about what Levi needed the most. 

One of the fondest memories that Levi had of his time in California was when he and Uncle Ben went out to go fishing. It wasn’t that the activity brought them closer together, but in opening up to Uncle Ben about his feelings on the divorce and even on his lack of a love life, he realized that what he really wanted was to just feel heard. Uncle Ben was always a great listener and never once questioned his nephew in how he felt, which is something that Levi always appreciated. It was at that moment that he thought he had feelings for another guy he bumped into while walking around the busy streets of San Francisco. The two of them only saw each other at a distance, but there was a look in his eyes that said, “I see you”. Levi’s heart nearly fell out of his chest at that moment, and soon after rushing home, he shut himself up in his room. He couldn’t believe what had just happened, and it all happened so fast. He barely had any time to process his emotions on the matter, and right as he started to feel comfortable within himself during that one vacation, all of his world faded back to gray within the last week of his trip as he packed up his bags and went home to Utah. 

ALEX: THE PHONE CALL

It was in the afternoon when Alex realized that she couldn’t just sit still and continue wasting time. She had tried to keep herself busy by focusing on her studies, and inside her notebook, she had a sketchbook and pencil handy in case she were to lose focus. It had been a while since she tried to do any free-hand sketching, and despite her best attempts to draw out something, she realized that studying or sketching just wasn’t going to do the trick for her boredom. She had to get out of the house. She had to find something else that would keep her mind occupied, and then it dawned on her that she didn’t know Levi’s cell phone number. In the same instant, she remembered that her mother still had his family’s phone number pinned up on the kitchen fridge. She immediately flew out of her bedroom and picked up the phone that was on the kitchen counter and dialed in the number soon after locating it. Levi picked up after the second ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. Alex. Do you remember me?”

“How could I not? We were best friends all throughout our childhoods.”

“Well, I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me this weekend.” She paused a moment before continuing to speak as she wasn’t sure how to best engage his interest. “When’s the last time you’ve gone out to a nice restaurant?”

“Umm, I’m not sure. My mom likes to keep me busy with all sorts of chores around the house.” Levi covered the speaker of the phone and let out a small sigh. Again, he realized that it was easier to just lie to himself because for one, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see Alex again. It wasn’t personal, but because it’s been so long, uncertainty was starting to plague his mind. “I’ll get back to you soon on the invitation by like, later tonight. Thanks for reaching out by the way. Talk to you later!”. 

“Am I reading you wrong, or do you seem more nervous than usual?” Hannah has always been in tune with her senses, and especially when it comes to understanding her brother. She decided to stop by for the weekend because she finished most of her work early, and of course, having her around would always make Levi feel nervous. In addition to that however, he was also feeling tense because of the phone call he had with Alex. He wasn’t sure why she decided to call after all this time, and while he tried being polite and pleasant with her, he had to admit that the whole thing just threw him off guard. He tried to reassure himself by thinking that perhaps she was nervous to talk to him as well, but that didn’t do him much good. Hannah planted her feet right in front of the washing machine, and Levi tried to push her aside so that he could empty the contents of the laundry basket that he kept close to his waist. When she didn’t budge, he muttered under his breath. “Could you please get out of the way? These need to be washed.”

“I will only do as such after you speak to me. Now what’s up with you?” Levi stared into his sister’s eyes without blinking, and she took this as a sign to have a staring contest with him. The moment he blinked, she chided in herself and laughed. “I win!” 

“Great, you can claim your trophy from the kitchen. Now move!” She reluctantly moved to the side, and once Levi was finished with the load of laundry, she stood in his way again. He rolled his eyes, and without looking at him, Hannah decided to drag him into his bedroom. “Okay, clearly something is going on and you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Gee, thanks for picking up on that. Why did you drag me in here then?”

“Because, I know you.” Levi was starting to feel frustrated because every time she uttered those words, they would be followed up with some terrible advice that would only work in her favor. He tried to interject, but was cut off abruptly. “Are you having girl trouble? Oh, wait! Let me guess… Alex called you.”

“How do you know that?” he asked gruffly. Her next response came in quickly again without him being able to say anything else. “You still like her, don’t you?” Hearing Hannah said that made Levi’s face turn red with anger. “Don’t deny it, little bro. The two of you were inseparable back in the day. And I’m sure she didn’t call just to catch up with you. What exactly did she try to offer you? Are you going to go out with her?” Levi didn’t say anything and planted a scowl on his face. Even when he was being silently resentful, his sister always had a nose for figuring out the truth. A short moment passed in silence. “Levi, you should go out with her,” she finally said, and in a tone that made him feel like a child. “Alex was your childhood best friend! And I know that Mom tries to stay out of it, but for both of our sakes, I need to tell you right now that the two of you really are just perfect for each other. She knows it, and I can feel that something’s there as well.” If you don’t shut up, then I’ll give you something else to feel in a moment, Levi said to himself. He always had this image in the back of his head that if and when this dreadful conversation were to happen, he’d put his sister in a headlock. The image came back to him while she was running her mouth and saying things, acting as if a marriage was well on its way when that was far from the truth. The next thing he knew, he stood tall over his older sister (both literally and figuratively as he was a foot taller than her) and looked at her for a long moment with an intense look on his face. He then let out a sigh and started to pack up one of his suitcases. “What are you doing?” Hannah asked with a look of confusion on her face. He didn’t say anything back. He knew better than to start an argument with her, but once he had his suitcase fully packed, he finally looked in Hannah’s direction and said, “I’m going back to California. I can’t be around you when you’re like this.”

“Have you lost your mind?” Hannah was staring at her brother in a way that made her seem bewildered. She couldn't understand what was going on in his mind. 

“No, but you have. I’m done with this. With ALL of this! Why should I go out on a date with my childhood best friend? Why should I sit here and listen to you talk about things that just aren’t going to happen? Why should I stay here and allow myself to drown simply because Mom out there has decided to start another family without Dad? None of it is fair! Seeing you being successful in your business, and hearing about all the wonderful things that Adam is achieving out in Colorado… None of it is fair. I’m just… done. Goodbye, Hannah. Make sure to take the laundry out of the washer once it’s done.”

PRESENT DAY: PATHS CROSSED

Levi certainly didn’t see this day coming when he and Alex would actually end up being friends again. The two of them ran into each other as he was trying to catch the next flight to San Francisco. He found out that Alex was wanting to study abroad in Iceland, and while both of them expressed genuine excitement for their upcoming plans for the future, they also realized that something was holding them back, and it wasn’t just this fear of the unknown. The two of them ended up talking while heading to their respective gates, and by complete accident, both of them missed their flights. Alex was the first to recognize it, and then she said, “Should this be called some sort of act of serendipity, or are we both just stupid for missing our flights?” Levi let out a small laugh and decided to put his arm around her. She allowed his arm to rest where it was. “I’m not sure,” he finally said, “but I am glad that we’re here. Talking to each other after so long just feels right, somehow.” The two of them stayed in place for a long moment, not saying a word to each other. Everybody else around them minded their own business, trying to get to their gates on time and hustling from one place to another. Even with all the noise going on around them in the airport, the only thing that was of any concern to Levi and Alex was them just trying to take in each other’s presence. After staying in a tight hug for what felt like a long time, Levi realized that he had something he wanted to give to Alex. He bent down to retrieve the mystery item from his backpack. He stayed bent down on one knee, and before Alex could ask what was going on, he turned around and said, “I know this is sudden, but considering how good things feel for once, I just want to say this out loud now. Will you marry me, Alex?” She couldn’t find it in her to breathe. Once she did catch her breath, however, she held out her hand and silently said yes. She showed no visible emotion in what Levi just did, but in her heart, she felt like she was on cloud nine and never wanted to come back down to earth. 

CHRIS AND MATTHEW: MAN UP

The same day that Chris stopped speaking to Rachel was the same day that Matthew started to feel more uneasy with himself, and for reasons that were completely justified. He was worried that his only friend would somehow end up being treated badly. What he didn’t realize, however, was that Rachel was beyond furious with the lack of contact she had with Chris. Five months have passed since the last time the two of them went out together on their second date. She remembered kissing him, and then he left her with no explanation. When Matthew caught wind of that news, he started to feel agitated not just by the situation between the two of them, but also frustrated with himself and the amount of effort he put into making Chris hook up with her. I should have known, he thought to himself. Chris has never been date-worthy material. His mother could attest to such a statement. Right as he said that to himself, a memory came back to him of the one time he was invited over to Chris’ house for dinner. His mother was very warm and friendly; she was genuinely excited when she found out that Chris had finally made a friend. It took him forever to work up the courage to tell his mother about Matthew. It wasn’t until they were in high school when the invitation was made. His mother had insisted on Chris bringing him over, and once Chris had finally given up on arguing over the matter, he extended the invitation to Matthew. 

Now that the two of them have grown up and have found steady jobs, it only seemed right that they would get in business together and start up their own firm. Deep down however, Matthew knew that he would want to settle down one day and have his own family. He wanted that for himself, but he could never be sure of what Chris wanted for himself. Every time he tried to impose those serious questions onto his best friend, Chris would always find a way to dodge the conversation. It’s like Chris just didn’t feel comfortable enough to ever share that kind of information with his best friend, and Matthew thought that their friendship had stood firm long enough for those kinds of talks to take place. He was always open about his plans for the future, and Chris was always willing to listen. And now that he’s being given information from Rachel that Chris has basically ghosted her, he had to wonder if Chris could actually be considered a best friend for much longer. 

The two men decided to head to a bar after their shifts ended. Neither one of them spoke to each other, and after placing their drink orders, they noticed a young couple walking in. They seemed to be acting like they were newly engaged, and Matthew found himself smiling for a moment at the sight of seeing them. Just as he decided to get up from his seat, Rachel came walking in through a different entrance, and she walked at a speed that could light the whole room up into flames. Her gaze was fixed and fierce, like she was about to pounce on somebody. Once she was within arm’s reach, Matthew realized that she was here for Chris. He could feel his gut dropping like an anchor sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Instead of staying a minute longer, he closed up his tab and decided to head back to the apartment, leaving both Chris and Rachel to stare intensely into each other’s eyes. “So we meet again,” Chris said with a sly smile, cocking his head back and forth. Rachel wasn’t phased by the look on his face and slapped him silly. “Don’t play stupid with me. I waited to hear from you for five months! Why would you ghost me like that, and then act as if you can just go about your business without caring about mine?” Chris had this empty look in his eyes, and she could tell that he was drunk. Rachel groaned, dragged him out of his seat and left some cash on the table for the bartender. The two of them stumbled slowly towards the exit door, but then a stranger bumped into Rachel, making Chris crumple onto the floor. “I’m so sorry!” the woman exclaimed. “Is he dead?” She looked over at Chris’ body in apprehension. “Nah, he’s just drunk. Could you help by finding a seat to put him in?”

“Sure thing.” Both Rachel and the kind woman took Chris by an arm and hurdled him over to one of the chairs. Once he was seated, his eyes drifted off and started to close. The woman sat back down and started to talk to her presumed fiance. “So I wasn’t expecting this to happen, but now we have a couple guests sitting here at this lovely table!” she said with a certain enthusiasm that seemed to be covering feelings of shock. “Oh, I just realized I never introduced myself. My name is Alex.” Rachel gave a small smile then said her own name in return. The two women shook hands, and then she looked over in Chris’ direction to see if he was breathing. “That loser’s name is Chris. He was already here before me.”

“While he’s out cold then, I feel inclined to say that he seems a bit out of your league. You can do better than him.” Alex took a sip of her wine, and then glanced over at her partner. “By the way, this is Levi. The two of us decided to celebrate our engagement and couldn’t come to an agreement on where to go, so that’s how we ended up here.” Rachel smiled yet again, and just as she stood up to find a waiter, Chris woke up. He shifted in his seat then groaned slightly. “How long have I been out?”

“For about half the night,” Alex and Rachel said in unison. They turned towards each other and smiled; Rachel felt embarrassed for the position she was in whereas Alex was just trying to keep her cool. Levi, who was sitting next to her, seemed to be oblivious to what was going on around him. He didn’t recognize the environment he was in, and he was enamored with every little detail from the music, to the clinking of glasses to the waiters in shorts and long sleeved, buttoned-up shirts and bow ties. He saw one particular man who seemed to be enjoying himself and had found a spare bow tie on the floor. He was twirling it around like it was a lasso, and all of friends were laughing at his antics as he danced around on the top of the table. “Hey, do you mind if I stretch my legs for a bit?” he asked Alex, who was still fixing her gaze onto Rachel. “I don’t mind,” she said nonchalantly. Just as Levi got up from his seat, Alex realized that she probably should have been a bit more attentive to her fiance as he was heading towards the table that was causing the most trouble. She saw a couple people out of the corner of her eye who were flashing cigarette butts and lighters. Clearly, this place isn’t one to ban the use of smoking. “Do you want to get out of here before more madness ensues?” Rachel asked Alex. “I thought you’d never ask, but I do want to touch base with my fiance first. I’ll be back shortly.”. 

Levi had already taken in enough alcohol by the time his fiance arrived, and the way he danced around her made Alex chuckle softly to herself. At the same time however, she felt slightly uncomfortable. Something inside of her was saying “how did I end up being engaged to you?” as she couldn’t recognize Levi’s behavior. He’s never been this flamboyant and outgoing as far as she knew, but she figured that being out in the big city can change a person. Either that, or perhaps it was just the alcohol. Before she could think of anything to say, Levi started to shout over the music that was blaring on the speakers in the bar. “Dance with me, babe! I could use a partner right about now.” Alex started to smile again, and before she knew it, a hand was reaching out to take hers, but it wasn’t Levi’s. It was Rachel’s. “Hey, is everything good with you and your fiance? I thought we were going to hang out together. Is that cool with you, Levi?”

“No worries here, man. Go have fun!” He moved away from the two women and started to slyly move towards this one man who was shaking his hips; he had no shirt on and seemed to be enjoying himself. The whole image felt sensual to Levi and he realized then that his urges for male contact were coming back. He didn’t know how to gain control of himself, and while he wasn’t aware of it, he didn’t realize that him holding onto a man’s hips and closely dancing together would be an image that Alex would notice as she and Rachel were still at the bar. They were standing by the exit and one of the security guards had come into view to escort them out. It was at the last second when Alex looked up and took full notice of what Levi was doing before leaving the scene. 

Novella: Your Love Has Poisoned Me (Chapter 2)

Chapter 2: Misunderstood (Levi) 

Levi’s parents had split up when he was around five years old. This made him assume more responsibility around the house, and especially after finding out that his mother’s boyfriend got her pregnant. She actually became pregnant twice just months after the divorce, so it felt natural for him to become a more responsible figure so that she could look after his two baby sisters. He took on two jobs, and with what little free time he had, he would use it by helping out around the house. His older sister, Hannah, had already moved out and was trying to get her own business off the ground. Any time she would stop by to visit, Levi would try to keep conversations with her to a minimum. The excuse he would always use is “I’m busy”, but he knew deep down that he just didn’t want to face his jealousy. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he was drowning, and so to avoid it, he would pick up any busywork he could. If he really wanted to leave- and sometimes, that thought does come up to the surface- he wouldn’t hesitate to pack up his bags and make it happen. 

At around age ten, Levi developed a bad case of insomnia and depression. He wasn’t able to do much of anything outside of his schoolwork. The only person in his life at the time who seemed to understand what was going on was Alex. If she hadn’t approached him during class, asking if he had any spare markers for her to use, he couldn’t imagine where he would have ended up. As kids, they didn’t talk much, but on the weekends, they would spend hours together doing all sorts of things and getting lost in their imagination. One of the very few memories that still stands out to him as an adult is being in her backyard, making their own fort out of boxes, sheets and strings. After they had set it all up, they decided to watch the movie Up!. Once the footage of Carl and Ellie’s childhood together popped on the screen, they realized that they could see themselves within Carl and Ellie’s characters. Alex pulled herself away from the TV for a moment and smiled at Levi. He smiled back and then decided to pull her close to him in a side hug. Before the two of them could part ways from each other, Alex kissed him on the cheek. Thinking about it now at twenty-six years old, Levi realized that his friendship with Alex is something that he’ll always keep close to his heart. The two of them fell out of touch after graduating from high school, and while no one knew why exactly, his mom and Hannah noticed a difference within Levi’s behavior. Occasionally, Hannah would insist on trying to become closer to her brother by asking about his love life. This would always make him feel uncomfortable, but he would willingly mutter certain things like “I don’t have time” or “I just don’t feel ready to get back out there”. To her, those two phrases said enough about his feelings. He was still pining over Alex, or at least, that’s what she was convinced of. While neither she or their mother knew a whole lot about Alex, the two of them knew that they were inseparable during their childhood. Hannah never took it personally because she just wanted her brother to be happy, but with the two of them being adults now, she realized that there’s still a lot that she doesn’t know about him. 

ALEX: LIFE WITHOUT YOU

If she hadn’t kissed Levi back in the day when they were kids, she could have easily convinced herself that she didn’t have feelings for him. Everything is just more simple as a kid, and you would never second guess the feelings you have for someone at that age. With her being twenty-five now, she just couldn’t help but wonder if she did have feelings for him. Sometimes when it’s late at night and she’s alone with her thoughts, she would start to fantasize about life with him. It all sounds silly, picturing this image of the two of them dating or even eventually getting married together. She wasn’t sure if that’s what she really wanted anyway. The only thing she knew is that forgetting about him felt impossible. 

One night as she was getting ready for bed, her sister slid into her room unannounced. SIlent as a mouse, Alex didn’t know she was in her room until Emily jumped out from behind the bathroom door and scared her. Alex staggered backwards with wide eyes, and Emily burst out laughing. “I got you good! You should’ve seen your face!” she said while running away from the room. Alex rolled her eyes in annoyance and then chuckled under her breath. She could never understand why her younger sister loved scaring her so much, but she couldn’t deny the hilarity of those moments. 

Alex didn’t know much about Levi as a kid, but because they hung out so much throughout their younger years, she definitely thought she knew him well enough. They’ve gone to the same classes, always sat together during lunch, and during recess in elementary school, the two of them would share snacks and joke around together. All of her friends back then saw the two of them as lovebirds. They thought that one day, the two of them would surely get married because of how inseparable they were. And perhaps in the back of her mind, she believed in those things. She thought that perhaps she could be the one for Levi. The only problem is that they don’t keep in touch as much as they used to, and she doesn’t know how to get in touch with him since they never exchanged phone numbers. Just as she found herself getting lost in thought again, her mom appeared at the front of her bedroom door. 

“May I come in?” her mom gently knocked on the door, and Alex motioned for her to come in.

“I have a question for you. Do you remember Levi?”

“Of course I do. The two of you were-”

“I know, we were inseparable as kids.”

“So what’s your question then?” Alex’s mother laid a hand on her daughter’s back and started to stroke it lightly, which made Alex smile. Her mom always knew how to make her feel comfortable. “I just want to know if you stayed in touch with his family.”

“Well, I can’t say I have. I know we used to be neighbors with them, but people change and grow apart. It’s just part of life.” Alex took a minute to absorb her mother’s words. She knew that she was right, but she still couldn’t admit it to herself. “Is there a reason why you’re asking?”

“I just miss him. It feels weird to say that given how much time has passed… Do you think he ever thinks about me?”

“Honestly honey, I think that’s something you should figure out for yourself. Seeing you like this, sitting in your room and mulling over him so much, isn’t going to do much of anything.” Alex let out a sigh. Once again, she knew that her mother was right. Her mom always knew what to say and what advice to give- which of course, is what makes her a great therapist- but when it comes to being able to help her daughter, the choice was always on Alex. And while Alex didn’t know a thing about what was going on in Levi’s world now, the one thing she did know was that somehow, the two of them would find each other again. She just wasn’t sure if she was ready to make the first move. 

Novella: Your Love Has Poisoned Me (Chapter 1)

Chapter 1: Change (Chris)

Typically, Chris doesn’t like to put himself out there for anybody. Living life as a single man is all he’s ever known, and facing any other reality where he would even remotely consider a relationship with a woman makes him shudder. “I just don’t get the appeal of dating”, is what he once said to his best friend Matthew. His response on that front was, “well, what if there was somebody out there I know who really wants to know you? Would you deny her the chance?”

    “Yes.” Chris left no trace of hesitation in his response. This usually makes Matthew grow annoyed and impatient with him. “You are too stubborn for your own good. You need to lighten up!” 

    “I know what I like and what works for me. Why should I change that?”

Chris and Matthew continued their conversation until they made their way back to their shared office. The two of them have been friends for years before starting up their own law firm together. Both have graduated from the same college, and back in high school when they were teenagers, they made a point to not let anything or anyone stand in the way of their friendship. That promise is still being upheld, but college for Matthew has loosened up his mindset some, if not completely as he became good friends with a girl named Rachel. Chris has noticed these changes inside of his best friend, but has never minded them too much or has let it get in the way of their friendship. Today, of all days, though, Matthew has been a little extra pushy in his efforts to have Chris meet Rachel. “Why do you care so much about my lack of a love life? You used to not be this way in high school. We made a promise. Don’t you remember?”

“I do remember… It’s just that I’ve been talking to her a lot about you. She’s the one who started it. She’s the one who’s interested; it’s not like I’ve talked you up onto a pedestal. I think-

“Matt, I’ve known you since we were kids. You made a promise to me. I know that college has changed you, but please, just let me live my life in peace.”

“Is that what you really want?”

“Yes.” Chris’ tone was firm and strict, which made Matt retreat quickly without saying another word. That is, until he pulled out his phone to check for any missed calls or messages. No notifications showed up for a moment, and then Rachel’s name popped up. She left a text that said, I’ll be there. 

A few hours later after wrapping things up in the office, the two men drove back home to their shared apartment. Upon unlocking the door and entering, Chris was taken aback to see a woman sitting in their living room. “Hi,” he said flatly. His tone immediately switched from mild shock to mild aggression. Matthew… he muttered to himself. I’m going to have words with you once you arrive. 

Once Matthew finally arrived home, the first thing he noticed was his best friend standing in the middle of the living room with a grimacing look on his face. He could already tell that he wasn’t happy, and before he could get a word in, Chris pulled him into the bedroom. “What the hell is your friend doing here? I told you that I don’t want to be set up on any dates.” He arched his eyebrow for a moment then stole a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening in. Matthew let out a defeated sigh. “Do you really think I’m going to let you have your way every time?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Don’t be stupid, man! You know exactly what I’m talking about. Rachel came here on her own accord because she’s been insisting on meeting you. I didn’t have much of a choice, so how about you let go of your stubborn pride for once and just try to get to know her? You don’t have anything to lose here.” Chris didn’t flinch or change his expression. He could feel his stomach doing cartwheels and started feeling nauseous for a moment. If there’s anything he hates more than being told what to do, it would be being forced to do anything that he would deem unthinkable. After a long moment of contemplation, Chris opened the bedroom door and started walking towards Rachel. 

For a few long moments, both Chris and Rachel sat in silence. Matthew had retreated himself back into the bedroom, saying that he wanted to get ready for bed. It was nearly 10:00 pm, and before Chris could stand back up to force away his nerves, Rachel finally spoke up. “I’m sorry if my being here is making you feel awkward. I was under the impression that you’d be willing to just hang out and talk. Get to know each other, that sort of thing.” She paused before making any other comments. Chris continued to not say anything. “I guess I should be heading out now. I apologize for bothering you.” She started heading towards the front door of their apartment and grabbed her bag and jacket from the coat rack. Just as another thought came to her mind, Chris finally spoke up. “I should be the one to apologize. I’m not used to having visitors over, but I guess that’s not a good enough excuse anymore.” Rachel wasn’t sure if she should say something in return or just head out the door. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and kept her arm firm against the door. At that moment, Chris realized that her features made him feel something different. He wasn’t sure what that feeling was, but before she fully exited, he found himself walking closer to her. Her wavy brown hair fell naturally onto her shoulders, and he found himself gazing into her eyes for a moment. “I see you have the same color eyes as me,” he muttered. Rachel could feel his breath on her neck, and she tried willing herself away from his intense gaze. She offered a small smile, but couldn’t form any coherent sentences. She opened the corners of her mouth slightly, and by the time her voice came back to her, she said, “I really should get going now. Have a good night, Chris.”

The next day at work, Chris worked up the courage to ask his best friend for Rachel’s phone number. Matthew chided in himself for a moment. “I guess this means that you’ve finally caved into her. Isn’t she amazing?” Chris didn’t give any sign of acknowledgement to Matthew’s comment. Instead, he pressed a little harder. “Can you just give me her number, please?” Chris handed his phone over to Matthew, and after watching his fingers glide over the keyboard, he took back his phone. He then started to mutter her name to himself. Rachel… Matthew wasn’t paying attention to his friend, but once Chris sat down on the couch looking lost in thought, Matt decided to do the same. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about asking out Rachel, but only as a friend.” He then started to mutter to himself again, and Matthew was trying to piece together what his best friend was saying. “I really hope you don’t do anything to hurt her. Your current expression worries me.” Chris didn’t say anything, and it was in that moment that Matthew started to feel the smallest bit of fear and doubt. Chris hasn’t changed at all since childhood, and while the two of them knew each other well, he had to admit to himself that he didn’t think that this situation would have actually happened. Chris is as stubborn as a rock. They hardly ever argued when they were kids, but with both of them being in their 30’s now, most of their arguments usually involved some major flaw that his best friend carried. I really hope I don’t regret what’s about to happen here, Matthew thought to himself. Even if it was initially Rachel’s idea, Matthew just couldn’t help but suddenly feel guilty for letting his only friend have what she wants. 

RACHEL: THE FIRST DATE

A week has passed since Rachel first visited Matthew and Chris’ apartment. She wasn’t sure what to make of Chris. She thought she felt something, but quickly shook away the thought. She continued walking down the sidewalk until she came to a stop outside a coffee shop. She checked her phone for the time, which read 11:30 am. Right on time, she thought to herself. This is the place Chris recommended that they meet up at. He had allowed himself enough time to spare in the morning before heading to the gym to do his usual workout routine. Rachel walked into the shop with little hesitation in her step, then saw Chris look up from his phone. He offered a warm smile and waved for her to come over. There wasn’t a ton of open space between the booths and the bean bags, which was pushed in a corner against the coffee station. “The place looks cozy,” Rachel started to say. “It also feels a little cramped.”

    “It’s not meant to be an actual restaurant,” he replied. “I think the owners wanted this shop to act as a grab and go kind of place, but it’s charming in its own way.” The two of them continued to make small talk for a moment before standing up to place their orders. After Chris came back from the check-out with two iced mochas in his hands, he saw that Rachel had made herself comfortable on one of the bean bags on the floor. He chuckled softly and decided to join her. She fiddled around with her hair nervously, offered a smile to him and took one of the plastic to-go cups from his hand. 

Rachel was able to pick up easily on what made Chris soften up as they continued talking between sips of coffee, but still, he seemed far from her reach somehow. She could tell that he’s not someone who gets out often; his guarded demeanor said that much already. She could also tell that he likes to make a good first impression. Even though he was only in a white t-shirt and shorts, his brown hair was only slightly tousled; it looked as if he hadn’t cut it in a couple of weeks, but that didn’t bother her too much. Because of the tight quarters of being close to the floor, she could smell his deodorant, which gave off a masculine scent. She also thought she could smell cologne mixed in with that, but quickly realized that it was the aftershave. Why go through the trouble of shaving if you’re just going to get sweaty? she thought to herself in confusion. She tried to pull herself away from her thoughts and pay attention to what Chris was saying, but she couldn’t. Before she knew it, he had stood up from his seat. He held out his hand, and she instinctively took it. In that moment, the two of them inched closer towards each other. She surely thought that he was going to kiss her at that moment, but instead, she found him intensely gazing into her eyes again. She quickly pulled away and bent down to grab her purse. “I enjoyed this, Chris. Thank you. I should get going now.”