A few days have passed since their time together at the bar, and Alex was starting to feel perplexed by what had happened. She remembered how she felt when Levi proposed to her. She also remembered the memories of when they were little, and when she kissed him on the cheek that one time. She knew that she could be an over-thinker sometimes, but what didn’t make sense to her is why her fiance would dance around intimately with a man that he barely knew. It made her feel as if she didn’t know Levi anymore, but then again, it’s not like they stayed in touch after high school. He never told her much about him on a personal level. Has he always kept his sexuality hidden? Does his family know? Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a knock at the door. It was Levi, but she could tell he wasn’t alone by the muffled laughter coming from the other side. She reluctantly opened the door and let him in.
“Hey, is it okay if my friend can come in as well?” She didn’t respond. She didn’t know what to make of this situation. “If I do, do you promise to not do anything weird or funny around me?” Levi let out a nervous laugh, then motioned for his friend to come in. He held the biggest grin on his face as he said to her, “Babe, I want you to meet Michael. Michael, this is Alex.” Michael tried his best to be polite and extended his hand to shake hers, but Alex didn’t reciprocate the gesture. She just continued to take in Michael’s presence. She felt the need to keep her guard up around both men, and Levi tried to break the ice by saying, “Who wants something to drink? I could get water or soda.”
“That’s a great idea!” Michael said with a grin.
“Alex, do you want seltzer, water, or 7-Up? Maybe some iced tea? I can call for room service. Michael, are you hungry? I’m getting hungry. I think it’s time for lunch now.”
“No thanks,” is all that Alex said, and in a passive tone. Levi and Michael…. Michael and Levi… she thought to herself. Are these two “just friends”, or did something happen between then and now? And why on earth did you decide to bring him here? Her thoughts were starting to feel louder from within her head and she couldn’t hold them in anymore. Her gut started to drop, and right as the two men were about to sit down on one of the beds to place an order for lunch, she stood up and forcibly escorted Michael out of the room. Michael had a confused look on his face, and after Alex came back, she decided to sit by this person who no longer seemed like her childhood best friend. “Can we talk, please?”
“About what? And why did you make Michael leave? Is there a problem here?”
“Yes. You’re gay! You never told me this at all. Not when we were kids, and not when we were in high school together. You also never told me this when we were at the airport. Why would you keep this from me?” Alex started to feel tears slowly streaming down her face. Levi didn’t say anything; he didn’t know where to start. “It was just-”
“Just what? You think that one little dance wouldn’t hurt even though you’re the one who proposed to me? You led me to think that we were going to get married. You had a ring prepared. Do you not remember that? Do you remember anything that happened five nights ago?”
“I’m sorry,” he said sympathetically. “It really wasn’t my intention for you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you after coming back from summer vacation back then. I also wanted to tell you when you called me over the phone. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time. I just wasn’t sure how to say it. I wasn’t sure of where to start!” Alex processed his words, and instead of saying anything back, she went up to the hotel room door and opened it. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Well, I am. You lied to me, Levi.”
“I’m sorry! What more do you want me to say?”
“You’ve said enough.” Tears were starting to come back into focus out of the corners of her eyes. Levi wanted to comfort her and be there only for her at that moment, yet at the same time, he had this other feeling tugging at him as thoughts of Michael sprung back into his head. He realized then that it wasn’t a good idea for her to meet Michael, even if he originally thought the idea had good intentions behind it.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I thought I was doing something good, allowing you to find out this way.” She didn’t say anything back, but he could tell that she was upset with him. He could also sense a little bit of anger in the way she was looking at him. He really wanted to just state his piece fully in order to help reconcile her own feelings, and the longer he lingered in the doorway, the more impatient she started to feel. “Please, Levi. I don’t want to cry in front of you, and I don’t want to talk. I want you to leave. Now.” Still, he couldn’t find it in him to do anything as regret was starting to sink in. In his mind, he felt like he had two choices: stay and try to make things right with Alex, or pursue this new thing he had with Michael. Alex was starting to get irritated. Before he could act, Alex was starting to yell at him while also crying at the same time. She flew her arms at him and tried to punch him but kept missing. Levi felt awful and could feel a pit forming in his stomach, but instead of leaving like what she wanted, he just stood frozen and allowed Alex to cry in his arms.
CHRIS: STRING ME ALONG
The last time Chris and Rachel spoke is when he found her coming into the bar. He was willing to admit that allowing her to see him drunk wasn’t his finest moment, but up until then, he just wasn’t feeling like himself. He wasn’t sure what had come over him prior to drinking his worries away with Matthew. He thought that he had Rachel right where he wanted her. He couldn’t make sense of his thoughts and feelings, and then after taking that third shot, everything just went to black. Chris always knew how to keep to himself, but when it comes to women, he knew nothing. Not once has he ever gone on a date, and with the alcohol out of his system now, the only thing he remembers is that he didn’t want to let his guard down around her. Rachel is Matthew’s friend; he doesn’t want to date her. He doesn’t even know what it means to be a boyfriend or romantic partner to someone. Matthew knows this about him, and yet, he’s the one who was so insistent on setting him up with Rachel. The more Chris allowed himself to think about this, the more irritated he started to feel. He knew that confronting Matthew would lead him nowhere, so instead, he decided to call up Rachel, however naive his attempts were at reconciling his thoughts. She answered his call after the second ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me. Would you like to hang out sometime?” She hung up after being presented with the offer. He tried calling her again. “Hello? Rachel?”
“What do you want, Chris? I’m busy here.”
“Too busy to spend time with me?” he asked in a sing-song tone. “I feel insulted.”
“Well, you should be.” Her response felt cold and direct.
“Excuse me? What did I ever do to you?” Chris was confused and overwhelmed by how Rachel was speaking to him. Whenever he tried to pry more information out of her, she would just hang up, which only made him feel more angry and impatient. After playing this game of dial and ditch for what felt like ten long minutes, she finally caved, but what she revealed to Chris is something he had no recollection of. He realized then that he had no choice but to shove down his pride and talk to Matthew on the matter. As he expected however, his best friend had nothing more to say or offer in the way of advice since even Matthew seemed agitated with him for reasons he couldn’t understand. The two of them argued back and forth over the phone for well over twenty minutes, and Matthew’s patience eventually ran out.
CHRIS: STRING ME ALONG
The last time Chris and Rachel spoke is when he found her coming into the bar. He was willing to admit that allowing her to see him drunk wasn’t his finest moment, but up until then, he just wasn’t feeling like himself. He wasn’t sure what had come over him prior to drinking his worries away with Matthew. He thought that he had Rachel right where he wanted her. He couldn’t make sense of his thoughts and feelings, and then after taking that third shot, everything just went to black. Chris always knew how to keep to himself, but when it comes to women, he knew nothing. Not once has he ever gone on a date, and with the alcohol out of his system now, the only thing he remembers is that he didn’t want to let his guard down around her. Rachel is Matthew’s friend; he doesn’t want to date her. He doesn’t even know what it means to be a boyfriend or romantic partner to someone. Matthew knows this about him, and yet, he’s the one who was so insistent on setting him up with Rachel. The more Chris allowed himself to think about this, the more irritated he started to feel. He knew that confronting Matthew would lead him nowhere, so instead, he decided to call up Rachel, however naive his attempts were at reconciling his thoughts. She answered his call after the second ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me. Would you like to hang out sometime?” She hung up after being presented with the offer. He tried calling her again. “Hello? Rachel?”
“What do you want, Chris? I’m busy here.”
“Too busy to spend time with me?” he asked in a sing-song tone. “I feel insulted.”
“Well, you should be.” Her response felt cold and direct.
“Excuse me? What did I ever do to you?” Chris was confused and overwhelmed by how Rachel was speaking to him. Whenever he tried to pry more information out of her, she would just hang up, which only made him feel more angry and impatient. After playing this game of dial and ditch for what felt like ten long minutes, she finally caved, but what she revealed to Chris is something he had no recollection of. He realized then that he had no choice but to shove down his pride and talk to Matthew on the matter. As he expected however, his best friend had nothing more to say or offer in the way of advice since even Matthew seemed agitated with him for reasons he couldn’t understand. The two of them argued back and forth over the phone for well over twenty minutes, and Matthew’s patience eventually ran out.
“You’re on your own this time, Chris. If Rachel says that you left her hanging for that long, then you need to acknowledge that and move on. It’s not my problem that your memory tank runs empty every time you get drunk. I need to go now.” He hung up without allowing Chris to say anything else, and instead of allowing himself to feel defeated, he decided to call up Rachel one last time. She didn’t answer and the call went straight to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me,” he said to the receiver. “If you don’t want to talk, then that’s fine, but I hope you’ll eventually reconsider my offer. I still want to be around you. I’m sorry for ghosting you a few months ago. I’m not good at this whole dating thing, but I do still want to be in your life, even if it’s just as friends. Can we please start over? I’ll talk to you later.”
Rachel’s silence over time grew to annoy Chris because he genuinely thought his apology was sincere enough to win her back. He wanted her back, and he wanted her to understand him. And perhaps underneath it all, he realized that feeling misunderstood is something he was starting to feel less content with. Throughout his childhood, it never bothered him at all, but this time, it felt different. It almost felt personal, and he didn’t know how to reconcile his thoughts or feelings on the matter. And no matter how many times he would go out to drink away his problems, that nagging feeling of being silently rejected only made him grow more resentful and angry on the inside, and to the point that he didn’t want to face Matthew; he had this hunch that Matthew felt the same way towards him as well. One day, the two men entered the firm together but didn’t say a word to each other. And every time one of them had to walk into the office to grab something, their eyes never darted within each other’s view. It wasn’t until they bumped into each other during their lunch break that Matthew finally broke the silence. “Watch where you’re going,” he said gruffly. Chris grunted back, and without meaning to, the two of them ended up sitting together at the same table. “Dude, pick a different table!” Chris exclaimed with a half-annoyed grimace. Matthew responded childishly, saying, “I was here first.” After a long moment of silence passed, Chris pushed away his tray of food and stood up to look his best friend directly in the eyes. “What is your problem? You haven’t talked to me in weeks! Are you mad at me?”
“Yes, I am mad at you.”
“Tell me what for.”
“Are you honestly this stupid? You know what you did to Rachel, and she’s a good friend of mine. It shouldn’t be this difficult for you to put two and two together, Mr. Lawyer.” Chris ignored his friend’s petty remark. “Is that what this is about? If you care about her that much, then why don’t you date her? You seem to care so much about her well-being. I’m sorry if my actions towards her have offended you this much. The two of you might as well…”
“Don’t you dare finish that thought!” Matthew’s voice was louder than what he intended, but what Chris had insinuated about him marrying Rachel is something he wasn’t ready to hear.
“Look who’s being prideful now,” Chris said. His tone was more direct, but there was a bit of sarcasm lurking underneath. “You’re always the one to call me out on my faults, and yet, it seems as if you’re the one who has genuine feelings for her. I just want her to talk to me again.”
“And for what reason? Just so you can toy with her heart again?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You know what kind of person I am!” At this point in their fight, the two of them were loudly shouting. A couple of people were starting to notice, but most others were just passing by and only took note of what was going on for a split second before leaving the cafeteria.
“That’s my point exactly!” Matthew was starting to feel exasperated by Chris’ lack of clairvoyance. “You don’t know how to treat women with any respect or decency! You think that you can just claim someone, string them along with no regard to how your actions affect other people and then just run away as soon as you catch feelings for them. That’s not how dating works. I can’t believe I allowed myself to set you up with her!” Upon hearing that, Chris grew furious, but didn’t say anything back. The two men fell silent again upon leaving the cafeteria and didn’t speak for the rest of the night going home. It wasn’t until Chris opened the apartment door that Matthew let his guard down for the first time in a long time. “I’m still mad at you, but if you really want to know, I do have feelings for Rachel. I didn’t realize it at the time when we first started talking back in college. She couldn’t stop talking about you. I shouldn’t have taken my jealousy out on you.” Chris didn’t respond, but in that moment, he realized that perhaps his efforts in trying to communicate with Rachel needed to come to an end. He was growing tired anyways of keeping all of this anger inside of him, and for reasons that suddenly felt insignificant.
RACHEL: UP AND DOWN
Despite her best efforts to not think about it, Rachel’s emotional state would sometimes keep her in a whirlwind of confusion, sadness, hurt and anger because of Chris’ behavior. What kind of man decides to go on two dates with a woman, reject her kiss and then go on ghost mode for an extended amount of time?, she thought to herself. Some days at work, she would be able to keep her thoughts and feelings at bay by clocking overtime, never leaving her desk. By night however, she would sometimes find herself missing him and then getting mad at herself for feeling that way. “Ugh, what is wrong with me?!” she exclaimed to herself out loud. “I never should have pressed so hard to go out with Chris when Matthew was talking about him back in college. I’m so stupid! Naive and stupid!” She slammed her fists into one of the pillows onto her bed, fighting against her own tears. Just as she was slowly giving into her emotions, her cell phone started to ring from her nightstand. She recognized through the caller ID that it was Matthew. She quickly wiped her eyes with one of her pajama sleeves and answered on the third ring. “Hello? Matthew?”
“How are you doing? I just thought I’d call and see if you’re doing okay. I know we haven’t talked in a while…”. Hearing his voice made Rachel feel a little less tense. She took a deep breath before answering. “I’ve been doing alright.”
“Are you sure? You sound tired. I wouldn’t mind stopping by in the morning, just to catch up if you’d like. I know that Chris was a jerk to you, so I thought you could use the support of someone who doesn’t give you constant headaches.” Hearing him make that comment willed a small chuckle out of Rachel. He always knew how to make her laugh; that’s one of the reasons why the two of them got along so well. That, plus he just had this easy-going kind of personality. “I guess I wouldn’t mind that. Thank you, Matthew.”
“My pleasure! I can even get you some coffee before stopping by. I know what you like.” For a moment after he ended the call, Rachel started to smile and all of her other worries suddenly didn’t matter. Chris didn’t matter, and then she started to take a moment to appreciate her friendship with Matthew. He knew that she was fond of him and always enjoyed his company. Once the moment faded however, she found herself missing Chris again. She felt angry for a moment, but instead of going back in this vicious cycle of up and down emotions, she gave into her sadness- however confusing it made her feel- and cried herself to sleep.
Rachel’s silence over time grew to annoy Chris because he genuinely thought his apology was sincere enough to win her back. He wanted her back, and he wanted her to understand him. And perhaps underneath it all, he realized that feeling misunderstood is something he was starting to feel less content with. Throughout his childhood, it never bothered him at all, but this time, it felt different. It almost felt personal, and he didn’t know how to reconcile his thoughts or feelings on the matter. And no matter how many times he would go out to drink away his problems, that nagging feeling of being silently rejected only made him grow more resentful and angry on the inside, and to the point that he didn’t want to face Matthew; he had this hunch that Matthew felt the same way towards him as well. One day, the two men entered the firm together but didn’t say a word to each other. And every time one of them had to walk into the office to grab something, their eyes never darted within each other’s view. It wasn’t until they bumped into each other during their lunch break that Matthew finally broke the silence. “Watch where you’re going,” he said gruffly. Chris grunted back, and without meaning to, the two of them ended up sitting together at the same table. “Dude, pick a different table!” Chris exclaimed with a half-annoyed grimace. Matthew responded childishly, saying, “I was here first.” After a long moment of silence passed, Chris pushed away his tray of food and stood up to look his best friend directly in the eyes. “What is your problem? You haven’t talked to me in weeks! Are you mad at me?”
“Yes, I am mad at you.”
“Tell me what for.”
“Are you honestly this stupid? You know what you did to Rachel, and she’s a good friend of mine. It shouldn’t be this difficult for you to put two and two together, Mr. Lawyer.” Chris ignored his friend’s petty remark. “Is that what this is about? If you care about her that much, then why don’t you date her? You seem to care so much about her well-being. I’m sorry if my actions towards her have offended you this much. The two of you might as well…”
“Don’t you dare finish that thought!” Matthew’s voice was louder than what he intended, but what Chris had insinuated about him marrying Rachel is something he wasn’t ready to hear.
“Look who’s being prideful now,” Chris said. His tone was more direct, but there was a bit of sarcasm lurking underneath. “You’re always the one to call me out on my faults, and yet, it seems as if you’re the one who has genuine feelings for her. I just want her to talk to me again.”
“And for what reason? Just so you can toy with her heart again?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You know what kind of person I am!” At this point in their fight, the two of them were loudly shouting. A couple of people were starting to notice, but most others were just passing by and only took note of what was going on for a split second before leaving the cafeteria.
“That’s my point exactly!” Matthew was starting to feel exasperated by Chris’ lack of clairvoyance. “You don’t know how to treat women with any respect or decency! You think that you can just claim someone, string them along with no regard to how your actions affect other people and then just run away as soon as you catch feelings for them. That’s not how dating works. I can’t believe I allowed myself to set you up with her!” Upon hearing that, Chris grew furious, but didn’t say anything back. The two men fell silent again upon leaving the cafeteria and didn’t speak for the rest of the night going home. It wasn’t until Chris opened the apartment door that Matthew let his guard down for the first time in a long time. “I’m still mad at you, but if you really want to know, I do have feelings for Rachel. I didn’t realize it at the time when we first started talking back in college. She couldn’t stop talking about you. I shouldn’t have taken my jealousy out on you.” Chris didn’t respond, but in that moment, he realized that perhaps his efforts in trying to communicate with Rachel needed to come to an end. He was growing tired anyways of keeping all of this anger inside of him, and for reasons that suddenly felt insignificant.
RACHEL: UP AND DOWN
Despite her best efforts to not think about it, Rachel’s emotional state would sometimes keep her in a whirlwind of confusion, sadness, hurt and anger because of Chris’ behavior. What kind of man decides to go on two dates with a woman, reject her kiss and then go on ghost mode for an extended amount of time?, she thought to herself. Some days at work, she would be able to keep her thoughts and feelings at bay by clocking overtime, never leaving her desk. By night however, she would sometimes find herself missing him and then getting mad at herself for feeling that way. “Ugh, what is wrong with me?!” she exclaimed to herself out loud. “I never should have pressed so hard to go out with Chris when Matthew was talking about him back in college. I’m so stupid! Naive and stupid!” She slammed her fists into one of the pillows onto her bed, fighting against her own tears. Just as she was slowly giving into her emotions, her cell phone started to ring from her nightstand. She recognized through the caller ID that it was Matthew. She quickly wiped her eyes with one of her pajama sleeves and answered on the third ring. “Hello? Matthew?”
“How are you doing? I just thought I’d call and see if you’re doing okay. I know we haven’t talked in a while…”. Hearing his voice made Rachel feel a little less tense. She took a deep breath before answering. “I’ve been doing alright.”
“Are you sure? You sound tired. I wouldn’t mind stopping by in the morning, just to catch up if you’d like. I know that Chris was a jerk to you, so I thought you could use the support of someone who doesn’t give you constant headaches.” Hearing him make that comment willed a small chuckle out of Rachel. He always knew how to make her laugh; that’s one of the reasons why the two of them got along so well. That, plus he just had this easy-going kind of personality. “I guess I wouldn’t mind that. Thank you, Matthew.”
“My pleasure! I can even get you some coffee before stopping by. I know what you like.” For a moment after he ended the call, Rachel started to smile and all of her other worries suddenly didn’t matter. Chris didn’t matter, and then she started to take a moment to appreciate her friendship with Matthew. He knew that she was fond of him and always enjoyed his company. Once the moment faded however, she found herself missing Chris again. She felt angry for a moment, but instead of going back in this vicious cycle of up and down emotions, she gave into her sadness- however confusing it made her feel- and cried herself to sleep.
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