This may seem like a very random topic to add on my blog, but considering the way society is with its American, cultural norms, I feel like adding my two cents on the matter wouldn't hurt anybody here. Please keep in mind that I'm not married, nor do I currently have children. I'm not a qualified professional when it comes to childhood development and such, so as you read this, take with you only the parts that seem important or make the most sense to you.
Just to add some context here, I'd say the way I was raised after being adopted remains a happy and pleasant memory. I was basically sheltered in certain areas of life, but I don't resent that. A lot of what I've experienced in my early childhood years has become foundational to who I am today in some aspects. My parents and I have our own generational and personality differences (and of course, there are some similarities I share with each of them), but I still try my best to acknowledge and appreciate their efforts in raising me. The relationship I have with both my parents is special to me, so for that, I feel immensely grateful and privileged.
Growing up with two parents is what's preferable among society's traditional standards, but in reality, having that sort of example in a common household doesn't always equal to having a happy and healthy life. Single parenting doubles the amount of work on just that one person, and even if both parents are present in a child's life, who's to say that the dynamics within such a family are not toxic or dysfunctional with poor boundaries, or carry unhealthy communication skills? Are the parents aware of what they're teaching to their kids through actions and words on a consistent basis? Being human and making mistakes is one thing (and owning up to that in full transparency can really help your child to better connect with you and create a stronger bond), but to have this imbalance where words and actions are not matching up is another. Especially in those early, developmental years of a child's life, the things you say and do are all absorbed by your child either consciously or unconsciously. What they see and hear will be mimicked or repeated, and if you (as a parent) are constantly yelling at them or telling them things that make your child feel insecure/self conscious, not safe or not worthy of all the good things in life, this will affect their identity/sense of self later on in life.
If I'm being honest here, not everybody in this world is meant to be parents. Carrying toxic traits (ie. belittling your child through insults or name-calling when they've done something you don't like or that you don't care for; not giving praise but being quick to criticize the smallest things they do; placing very high expectations and then getting upset when such expectations are not being met, etc.) or past trauma, having anger issues or some other mental/emotional disorder or illness can make raising a child even more difficult. Some people here on earth have little to no sense of self-awareness and will hurt others with very little remorse or regret. Others may make many mistakes while also trying to get through their own mental/emotional baggage, and it's important to understand that caring for another human being is a huge responsibility that should NOT be taken lightly. The life you live once that small fetus becomes a functioning human being will change your life, whether it's for the better or worse. You will have to make sacrifices, but alas, this doesn't mean you have to lose your own sense of identity in the process. Becoming a parent while also trying to balance your own needs in life takes work and effort. Taking care of yourself while also taking care of a growing family also takes work and effort. You don't have to be perfect at everything or become some sort of superhero who's able to balance it all out. Just doing the best you can, and knowing when to ask for help when it's needed, can go a long way.
It's easy to see the worst in humans, and especially in parents if they seem to have more faults than what's considered "normal", but learning to see and accept the humanity in others is important. This doesn't mean that bad parenting (and it's common sense to know that abuse of any sort should NOT be tolerated) should be excused or be met without consequences, but from my perspective here at least, some relationships if not all of them can be repaired in time. And while there may be some truth to working on yourself first before entering a marriage and/or having kids in the first place, here's one reality that I feel like isn't said enough: "Working on yourself" is more of a lifelong journey, and leaning into life's challenges with an open heart and mind can help you gain a lot more awareness, empathy and understanding for the other people in your life. It's easy for a lot of us as adults to become accustomed to what we know and to instinctively hold onto what's familiar and safe, but to see life as a continuous learning experience and let your children re-teach you while also being a teacher to them? This makes the whole process of parenting a lot more interesting. Of course, you'll still have to teach your child right from wrong and help them to understand the consequences of their actions- that's all basic parenting material right there- but to do it through a lens that's unbiased or free from any mental/emotional blockage is something that I would consider to be a good challenge to take on. It's not impossible, but it does take a lot of inner work and effort on your part as a parent and as an individual.
Let me reiterate that while being a parent is an important, full-time job, this DOES NOT have to encompass your entire identity. You are still you, but now, you have another human to give your time and energy to. Sacrifices can be either big or small, but still, it's okay for you to make time for yourself whenever time allows it for you. Now of course, if your sole dream is to become a parent and that's it, I won't knock on that. Just remember that it's okay to look after yourself every once in a while; you can't be your best self for others if your tank is running on empty.
To wrap all of this up, let me just say that if someone in your life says that they don't want kids, please respect that. On American grounds at least, having the ability to make our own choices is something that should be fully acknowledged, even if it leads to disagreements or conflict. We all have our own values in life, and there's nothing wrong with wanting a life that's different from society's norms. Not having kids doesn't make somebody less of a human, nor does it mean that they're less inept at having a "fulfilling life". I hope that reading this gives you some food for thought, or at the very least, I hope that it can give you a better look at how I see things personally when it comes to parenting and raising kids.