Spiritual trauma, in my own words, is something that correlates to this deep-rooted sense of being shamed or judged by either yourself or by others. This isn't to say that I've been shamed or judged personally, but when people stop talking because of their own limited abilities to understand what you're saying (or because they just don't agree with your stance entirely), it's hard to not jump to conclusions. It leads you to think that there's something wrong with you, or that you must be crazy simply because my mind works differently than theirs. It kind of makes you feel like you're an outsider of some sort and no one else gets you.
Self-judgment, or feeling less than because you're not able to "have more faith" like the concept of faith is this simple on and off switch, is something I've struggled with since entering my 20's. I know that for a lot of people in their 20's, figuring out your own life is difficult. For me, what really made my 20's hard is figuring out my own sense of identity and how I perceived myself. Depression makes this harder, because then you're having to deal with this almost persistent negative voice inside your head, and you don't know why it's there. I've come a long way when it comes to managing that voice's power and keeping negative self-talk to a minimum, but every now and then, I still find that voice threatening to creep up whenever I find myself under intense stress.
I mainly wanted to make this post because mental health is something I feel passionate about and want to advocate for as much as I can. The struggles I've faced throughout my 20's have taught me a lot about myself, and whenever I feel like my faith journey has become stagnant in some way, I have to remember that there's always a choice for me to make. If I need rest, then I will try my best to just rest, meditate or pray. If I feel like I'm in need of some comfort, I will choose what works best for me and fit that in accordingly. If I feel like I'm close to burnout or feel exhausted, then I will rely on my own set of self-care practices and take it easy. To me, faith is a choice, and choosing to have faith is obviously a good thing. However, having doubts is also okay because it makes me human. I'm not someone who can be easily convinced, and sometimes, I may need extra reassurance or gentle reminders of why I'm feeling a certain way, and then give myself permission to let go and move on.
People can definitely cause trauma, but sometimes, trauma can also be self-inflicted based on conceptualized thoughts and ideas that clash with one another. People always say that you should choose carefully who you keep in your life. We don't want to hang around people who drain your energy or make you feel like you're hard to love, but at the same time, we all need to be challenged in life sometimes. This isn't to say that you need to stay with someone who treats you poorly or to tolerate abuse (which you shouldn't), but for every person you meet, there's a lesson learned. Your values and standards will become more apparent to you based on who you interact with the most. So from my own experiences at least, I realize that the people that I've grown the closest to as an adult, and while we all have our own unique personalities, are people who genuinely want to see me grow and succeed in life. These people are easy to talk to and fun to be around because they're able to be themselves, and they allow me to be myself as well. All of this is to say that I have high standards when it comes to friendship, and while I understand that relationships take time and effort in order to grow, there are still some things that are hard for me to understand when it comes to relationships in general. It's all a learning process, and to wrap this up, the one thing I'll say that's helped me put things in perspective is that in order to become a better version of yourself, you need to first learn to stop letting the small things get to you.
No comments:
Post a Comment