I have no shame in using my blog as a time capsule for my inner thoughts, but I also know that I've used it as an outlet over the years to help express myself. I don't really see much changing with my blog as I enjoy posting whatever comes to my mind, or even just sharing my different interests. For this particular post, however, I want to start sharing some more personal thoughts and other aspirations.
Figuring out my life as an adult and in a new environment that's separate from the home I grew up in has been hard. My mental health has taken some pretty big dips at times, and yet, I'm still trying my best to function. It's weird how every time I get sick, time starts to slow down and I'm able to get more genuine rest. I still don't enjoy getting sick by any means, but I am grateful for the extra time that it gives me. Taking care of my health is probably the one thing that I've tried to gain more consistency on, and honestly, I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for being able to keep my weight and metabolism steady. I definitely feel like I've learned some new and better habits when it comes to my relationship with food, and while it has taken some time with a couple of learning curves, I feel pretty good about my body and where things are heading with my physical health.
Keeping myself in a good mood emotionally has honestly been a work in progress this year. I don't like dwelling on the negatives, but I know I've been guilty of doing this a bit too often. I also know what my own flaws and weaknesses are... it's not always for me to remain open-minded, and even with the many years I've spent in therapy which I recently decided to move on from, I feel like what's working now for the position I'm in to maintain a positive relationship with my mental health is becoming more physically active. I'm also starting to feel more appreciative as well as seeing the value in maintaining an open relationship with my parents. Seeing them once a week and/or staying the night whenever I want is helping me to find a different source of relief. I don't always have to spend time alone, and since making these changes, I'm finding myself feeling more balanced in some ways, even if life still feels chaotic at times. I know that there are a lot of things in the outside world that I can't change, but knowing that I have my family as my support system gives me a sense of joy, comfort and encouragement.
My romantic life continues to hold some uncertainties which can be hard to navigate at times. If there's one thing that's stuck with me since the start of my 20's, it's that you can't always overthink yourself into a state of clarity or peace. Sometimes, you have to trust in the universe and allow things to take their own natural course in life. I've always tried to have this "go with the flow" and free-spirited type of mentality when it comes to most areas of life. Being stiff and strict in some areas just doesn't always work, and while I try to be someone who can extend a listening ear and provide understanding, I also recognize that it's also okay to have boundaries. Balance is important to have, but when it comes to relationships, whether they're romantic or not, I think what's been keeping me stuck more often than not is recognizing that there needs to be a balance between that give-and-take aspect in relationships. It's easy to say this stuff out loud, and yet, putting it into practice just isn't easy sometimes.
If there's one additional change that I feel like is worth putting into practice as often as I can, it's having a sense of gratitude. It's very easy to search out other people's flaws or to complain about how life is just a constant haze of dark clouds.... If that's the only perspective that you're willing to have, then what's the point in living? I personally try to hold onto any optimism or silver linings that I can find, and if I can't find any, then I'll make my own. I'll be my own ray of sunshine, and I hope that in living that out, I can attract more positivity and kindness in return. Life's too short to constantly dwell on things that bring you down into misery.
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