If I could describe the state of my mental health throughout the past month up until this week, I'd say it's been rough. I've learned a lot about myself. God has been working inside of me a lot, and because of Him, I've changed. No embellishments or exaggerations; God has transformed my heart into something that's bigger and better than ever!
It may take a bit more time before I feel ready to discuss this journey in full detail, but if there's one thing I'm willing to share, it's a small playlist of songs that have helped me to make sense of what's been going on inside of me. Each of these songs hold a special meaning to me for different reasons, and I thought it'd be worth it to share a quick analysis of each song.
1. Separate Ways (cover) by Daughtry and Halestorm- Breakups and separations aren't easy, but what's even more difficult is realizing that sometimes, it takes more time than most to really get over somebody that you still love. Sometimes, certain people really touch your heart in ways that are hard to describe. The tone of this song can sometimes feel sad and heavy, but other times, it might have a more lamenting tone to it. It really just depends on how you feel when you hear this song.
2. Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran- If you have any vices or habits that only lead to you spiraling backwards, well then, that's this song in a nutshell. However, I feel like there's another layer to this song that not a lot of people would consider, and it's how trauma bonding works. If you've ever been in a relationship that wasn't good for you, have you considered what made you feel drawn to that person in the first place? Sometimes, the habits we carry internally can affect the next relationship we get into, and this song perfectly illustrates that.
Before I continue on and list out more songs, I want to quickly disclose that if you're currently in a relationship that's bad for you, please DO NOT continue ignoring those warning signs! For some, it may be harder to tell. It's very easy to misjudge people, and social media has this tendency to only make this problem worse. Every person has their own flaws and faults. It never hurts to educate yourself on what's real and what's not when it comes to a person's warning signs, but, please, NEVER trust what social media has to say on the matter.
3. End Game by Taylor Swift (feat. Ed Sheeran & Future)- Have you ever met someone who just carries this mysterious aura, and you just can't help but feel drawn to it? Or maybe you've heard rumors about this person, and your first instinct is to ignore them and find out for yourself if this person is worth the risk or not. Taylor's songwriting talents are honestly unmatched, but with this song in particular, I feel like she just perfectly explains and describes the feelings that come with finding someone who can fulfill this "power couple" type of dynamic.
4. Warning Signs by Alex G (now known as Alex Blue; YouTube Artist)- This whole song is honestly so beautifully written, but my favorite line is "twisting what she knows is right" as sung in the chorus. That line right there just perfectly describes what happens when someone's views of reality have been challenged more than enough times. It can make a person feel like they're going insane. What's real anymore? Am I really living, or have I just created a fabricated version of life in my head?
5. The Hardest Thing by Tyler Ward- Soul mates and twin flames aren't the same thing, but the pain that comes with having to move on without that person can definitely feel impossible sometimes. With twin flames, this means that a person will come into someone's life to help them learn something about themselves, and the connection between the two individuals doesn't have to be romantic. Soul mates, on the other hand, become a mirror of you on a deeper level. They stay not just in your heart, but also in your soul. The way Tyler describes the pain of not having that deep connection anymore is very raw and real; you can just hear it in the way he sings.
6. What It's Like to Be Lonely by Tyler Ward- While this song has a similar theme to Ed Sheeran's song "Bad Habits", the musical tone of this is definitely more somber and serious. In all honesty, I'd say that this is a more raw depiction of what loneliness really feels like. Time could continue to pass by, but sometimes, that empty feeling just stops you in your tracks and you're not sure what to do with it. This is the kind of loneliness that's the hardest to get through because it reminds you of how much love you still hold in your heart.
7. Requiem (Original Broadway Version by Laura Dreyfuss) from Dear Evan Hansen- In reality, some people really can be cruel and uncaring. It's an unfortunate part of having to live among other human beings and figuring out what love actually is in the midst of pain, anger, hurt and trauma. For some, love isn't an easy thing to express. For others, love may mean having to pick up your own broken pieces and to stop avoiding reality. I feel like part of me has finally come to understand this song, but then again, I can't say that I know for certain what it means to have a relationship with someone who is beyond repair. Human nature, in God's image at least, is seen as perfect. However, not everybody believes in God, and honestly, I feel as if that's only part of the problem.
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