It seems that every time I see Hannah in school, she's with Gavin. I'm not at all used to that. I didn't expect them to become so close in just one day. I'll admit though that I'm glad she sat with me at lunch during freshman orientation, but since then she's been hanging out with me less and less. I want to be happy for her, I really do.
"Ahh!" Someone just ran past me and made me drop my books. Now I feel like an idiot, standing in the middle of the hallway like this. Isn't anyone going to help me? Geez, high school is so much different from the small middle school I went to.
I saw Hannah pass by right as a I got back up to my feet. Perhaps I should talk to her and try to resolve this issue between us. "Hi Hannah. Mind if I talk to you in private? It will only take a minute or so." She looked at me with a scowl on her face and said, "Not now, Emily. Gavin was going to show me something. Excuse me." She pushed me aside and kept walking onward. I'm not about to let this attitude of hers effect me now.
"What is your problem, Hannah? I'm not going to let you talk to me like that. You know I deserve better." Hannah was quick to respond. "Just leave me alone. I'm going to be late!"
"No! Just talk to me." She's looking down at her feet, but I can see the anger in her face. After a long moment of seeing her sulk for whatever reason, she looked up and snapped at me. "Don't you dare talk about things you do or don't deserve! I was ALWAYS there for you! You're so full of yourself, thinking that the spotlight needs to be on you 24/7. Now please... leave me alone."
Hannah stunned me into silence and pushed me out of the way, but I didn't notice. I just stood there frozen. I wasn't prepared for that to come out. What was she talking about? I've done nothing bad to her- at least, not to my recollection. Better get to class now before the last bell rings.
I think this marks my first time sitting alone in the cafeteria during lunch. I can see Gavin and Hannah two tables from my right. They're so focused on each other, not even bothering to eat their food. One kiss and then she looks at him with the biggest smile on her face. And now he's smiling back and holding her hand. I think he told her that he loves her. Unbelievable... Why are my eyes just now getting wet? More importantly, why is Hannah upset with me? She hasn't spoken to me in over a week. Having this new guy around who hasn't even bothered to hang out with us outside of school... It's just wrong. I don't deserve to be treated like this.
As per usual I'm spending the weekend at home with my brother, not that I don't like doing that. David is actually in a great mood today. He's asked me a couple times if I want to go with him to see the new Avengers movie, but I just want to stay in the house and relax. The events of Hannah getting angry at me the other day are still playing through my head. That was so not like her. Why is she doing this to me?
David has now interrupted my train of thought as he's standing in front of the door to my bedroom which caught me by surprise. "Now you behave yourself, sis. I'll be back in a couple hours." Before he had the chance to leave, I leapt out of bed and wrapped my arms around David. "I love you. I hope you realize that. Thank you, for everything." He let out a small laugh and kissed me on the head. After a moment of standing there together in a tight hug, he said, "Alright, I should get going. That is, unless you want to go with me..." I gave my brother a quick smile. "I think I will. I don't want to be alone in this big, empty house." He smiled back and handed me my jacket and purse.
Another week has come and gone, and I still can't stop thinking about the situation with Hannah. I miss her. She's spending so much time with her boyfriend and not leaving any time for me. Moping isn't going to do any good, Emily. You know this. I am determined to figure out why she made that outburst. I may not remember what it is I did, but it wouldn't hurt to just ask or at least apologize. Upon entering Mr. Gregory's classroom, I see that Hannah is sitting in the back corner next to the emergency exit. She has her head buried between her knees and it looks like she's crying. "Hannah? What's wrong?" No answer, but she did lift her head up and looked at me with tears running down her face. Another wave of tears come in and I'm just sitting here, not knowing what to say. Silence sits between us for a few minutes before I finally speak up. "Look Hannah, I don't know what I did to cause you to be angry with me, but I'm sorry. I'm so, incredibly sorry. If it's any consolation, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you... About us, and how much of an impact you've left on me. What I said that night when we had that sleepover two years ago still stands, and I never want to see you hurt. You have touched my heart, and I can't thank you enough for just being my best friend. I love you..."
It looks like Mr. Gregory is ready to put a movie inside the cassette player and is asking everyone to take their seats. Seeing that Hannah isn't responding still, I guess I should get up and head over to my desk. Okay, I see the title of the movie we're watching along on the whiteboard with what our in-class assignment is. Oh, what's this on my desk? It looks like a note. I should read it.
"Emily, do you want to know know why I'm mad at you? It was during the last day of 7th grade. I was sitting outside the school building waiting on you and your brother to pick me up. You got there eventually, but you were 2 hours late. After that, you just left me behind. You excluded me and didn't tell me when you left for summer camp, nor did you ask if I wanted to come join you. You spent your whole summer doing things without me. That hurt... Left me feeling empty inside. Once 8th grade came around, I went back into depression. I just barely passed my classes that year, and things between me and Gran went back to normal. She spent so many days worrying about me, and I was running out of the house to sit alone in the park where we had our first hang out. I was alone again. You left me and never said goodbye. Do you understand now?"
Great, now I feel terribly guilty for doing such a thing. I should write her back.
"Hannah, I am so terribly sorry. I didn't realize that I had left you to feel that way. You don't deserve that. Please forgive me. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you during that summer, but I am here now. You are my best friend, my sister... You mean so much to me. My only wish now is to make it up to you. What can I do to fix this?"
It seems that Hannah has fallen asleep, so I guess I'll just put this note inside her backpack. I kind of want to scoot my desk over next to hers. I do still care about her despite her behavior earlier today. Wow, I'm just now noticing the dark circles around her eyes. It looks like she hadn't slept in weeks. There's also tear stains on her cheeks and her hoodie seems to have a slight odor that isn't pleasant.
Normally I don't say this, but I'm glad that school is over now. It's been a long day today and this assignment Mr. Gregory has for us is going to take up a good part of my night. More importantly, I honestly can't stop thinking about Hannah. Should I apologize for how I've treated her today, or should I just not think about it and move on? I guess it's not that big of a deal, right? She'll forgive me sooner or later. She seems like that type of person.
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