The minute I felt that Christianity was no longer serving me is when I starting feeling more negative about myself instead of positive. Mind you, part of me was already aware of my thought patterns back then, but I didn't understand the reason behind of my feelings until later in life. My thought process has always been a little slow, but even when looking at where I am now, I still would remain firm in my decision to NOT go back to Christianity. I just feel as if it puts a limit on my potential in what I can and cannot do for myself.
I realize now that I probably had early signs of depression not because of any particular person I met, but mainly because I just didn't feel right with myself as I continued on with Christianity. I wasn't able to feel confident, I questioned things more instead of just trusting the "god" I looked up to, and I felt more attracted to things that fulfilled my own sense of personal pleasure.
In some ways, I feel like I've had this mentality of needing be perfect upon becoming an Atheist, but it didn't hit me until a few months ago that I'm just not wired that way. I see my flaws now and I realize that they just make up a small part of who I am as an individual. It's taken me a long time to heal from all the damage I've put upon myself and other people, but for the most part, I'd say I'm getting better at seeing that balance inside of me.
So from my experiences at least, I'd say that I'm better off without Christianity. All it did was just create more hurt and negativity inside my own headspace. Be it, I still sometimes struggle with negative thoughts either because of my own depression or because of how I handle certain situations, but as long as I remind myself that I'm only human and can't be perfect all the time, I know I'll get through whatever tough times I face. Sometimes it just takes time for certain wounds to heal, so the main thing I just need to do is be patient with myself.
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