The Struggles of Situational/Seasonal Depression

I have situational/seasonal depression. Sometimes this tiredness I have in my body drags me down into a slump where I just lose all motivation and drive to move forward in life. In other cases however, I actively try to combat that by focusing on my physical health. If I were to not put in the effort to exercise and eat healthy, I'd be worse off both mentally, emotionally and physically.

Depression looks different on everybody. For me, it's that lingering feeling of stress, tiredness or anxiety that has accumulated over time from whatever outer circumstances I face. Other times however, it can come from some kind of internal conflict that I've become hung up on. It's not easy for me to separate my own feelings and emotions from reality, so because of that, I sometimes live in this fear that I'm being judged (which can often lead to me being critical of myself). Sometimes, I'll feel insecure within myself like I'm not doing anything right or that I'm not living up to someone else's expectations. These feelings that I have are hard for me to express because I know that not everybody in my family will understand them, so when they're there, I try my best to just deal with them privately. 

Over the years of me being an adult, I've had to understand that the world does not owe you anything. In the last year or so, I've come to realize my weaknesses and how those weaknesses tend to progress a little more slowly for me than it does for others. Communication takes effort, especially on a level that's more honest and personal. Because of this, I kind of have this fear of how people will react to what I say even though I realize that probably shouldn't matter anyways. Another thing I've realized over the years is that overthinking will tire you out more often than not, so because of that, I do the best I can to keep my life simple. 

My experiences in life so far have proven to me that I struggle more than others with some things, but I guess that's what makes me special. This struggle I have is what builds my strength, and sometimes, I can feel that strength within me. I'm proud of everything I've been through so far as an adult, but I know I still have a long ways to go. I know I still have more life ahead of me and that life in general is not going to be perfect. However, one thing that I will always try to do is live my life authentically, whether if people like it or not. So if anything, I'd say my main goal in life is to try my best to be positive, enjoy/appreciate the life I have, and to do the best I can to be compassionate towards other people.