Feeling disconnected from one's youth, innocence or sense of self is something I've gone through no doubt. At the same time however, I feel as if some parts of who I used to be can either be acknowledged as growth, or as part of the past to not be dwelled on again. Depression used to take hold of me far too often because I didn't know how to deal with the complexities of change and evolving as a human being. My goals in life and the mindsets I've carried have changed a lot since the start of my 20's, and when I take the time to see where I'm at now, I realize that I truly feel a lot more happy and at peace than I ever did in my younger years.
I can't say that I'm feeling completely disconnected at the moment, but if anything, I feel like my need for constant evolution and change is starting to slow down a lot on a personal level. I still enjoy engaging in things that can help me grow, but at the same time, that pendulum of doing things excessively and then allowing myself to be a bum for days on end just tires me out. Being 30 (close to 31 in August) is kind of weird, but in a good way. I know myself pretty well now. I do my best to be in touch with my own needs and put myself first when it's necessary. The only thing that makes being 30 feel the same as any other age is that I won't allow myself to be out of touch with my inner child/youthful nature.
Music has always been a big part of my life, and I feel like the older I get, the more I just want to listen to stuff that makes me feel comfortable and happy on the inside. I don't listen to Christian music as much as I used to, but I still enjoy it every now and then. As of lately, I've been bouncing back and forth between mainstream music and country music. I feel like if I hadn't spent most of my life in Tennessee, I would have a much different view on country music. It's just one of those love it or hate it genres; I get that it's not for everyone, but as of lately, listening to that particular genre has made me feel more in touch with why Nashville is home to me. It would be a bit obvious and cliche to say that Tennesseans are friendly, welcoming and always make you feel at home, but truth be told, I think these words pretty much sum it up best. I just can't help myself sometimes... the cliches of living in the south tend to just stick with you no matter where you are in life, and again, I feel as if this is something I've just been more drawn to lately when it comes to my musical interests.
I think what makes life a lot more freeing for me now as opposed to when I was younger is that I'm finally starting to figure out the answers to questions that used to plague me way too much. I'm still not perfect by any means; that much is obvious. I just feel like I'm starting to see more opportunities for me to grow, and the more I work on relinquishing any self-limiting beliefs I have (as well as working through my insecurities), the more I'm able to see just how big this world really is. Here comes yet another cliche saying here... that whole, "the world is my oyster" thing, haha! Yeah, that's kind of how I'm seeing things now, both in my professional and personal life. Being able to choose your own path in life can feel daunting and overwhelming, but the end results will make all of that hard work and effort worthwhile. Of course, none of this is to say that I'll feel happy 100% of the time, but in all honesty here, the freedom that comes with it all is probably the greatest feeling that helps to keep me going. Of course, I hope to continue growing on this journey I'm on, though if I'm being honest, it really feels like I'm just getting started in some ways.
To wrap up this post, I'm just going to make a list of some posts I hope to finally put into action this summer:
1. Turning Red Movie Analysis: Mother-Daughter Relationships & Cultural Influences
2. Music Review: Endless Summer Vacation by Miley Cyrus
3. Music Review: Midnights by Taylor Swift
4. Music Review: SOUR by Olivia Rodrigo
5. My Simplified Skincare Routine: Which Products Do I Use On an Everyday Basis?
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