Faith As An Adult (Updated)

I wouldn't say that it's a vivid memory, making that early post on my blog about faith, but I feel like this topic now has brought me a different perspective at 30 years old. I don't associate myself with the Christian teachings or the community 100%, but that doesn't mean I lack faith or that I don't believe in God. For all I know, God is just this little force that's out in the universe, or maybe it's just this spark of energy that helped to put the world into motion. I don't know, but if there's one thing I do know, there's more to life than just questioning every little thing and acting as if you can find the answers on your own. People are allowed to think what they want or believe what they want, but in my own life at least, I just want to live my life and keep things simple. 

What's ironic is that when I first went to therapy, I didn't even question the notion that the kind of help that I'd be getting would be faith based. I was very confused, and in more ways than one when it came to my own life and state of being on a mental/emotional level. Part of me knew this, but I just couldn't help myself. I kept questioning things, and I would keep finding myself in this state of self-inflicted depression and anxiety because I kept trying to figure things out with little to no support because of my own stubborn and selfish nature. 

I realize that the main reason why I stopped being a Christian is because I wanted to stop having mental breakdowns; I wanted to stop feeling hopeless and depressed. Most people who choose to leave Christianity either have an issue with the people in the community, or because they can't stop questioning things. For me, the second one is what my caveat was; I just couldn't understand anything within the belief system. That, plus I was struggling way too much with my own sense of worth and purpose. 

Getting older allows either for more hardship, more clarity, or perhaps a mix of both. I try my best these days to not overthink things so much because it gives me a headache. I also try my best to trust my own intuition and instincts. More importantly, I realize that it's okay for me to not have all the answers. Honestly, faith is just one facet of life; it doesn't have to dictate your entire way of living. Faith helps to keep people going; it gives their life some sense of meaning, and there's nothing wrong with that. On either side of the pendulum, you'll find people who are incredibly judgmental, but you'll also find a lot of people who are just misguided. Looking back, I don't know if I ever took things to an extreme when questioning the bible or God in general, but then again, I guess I've just come to an agreement with myself now to stop dwelling on things that I can't understand. I am human after all, and no human being is going to be able to understand everything, no matter how much you try. 

So comparing my much earlier post back then about faith to how I see and define it now, faith is separate from beliefs of any kind. It's something that you get to have based on how you decide to shape your own, individual life. Morality, in my eyes at least, is an essential part of the human experience; we need it as much as we need oxygen to breathe. If you never judge the actions of any other human being for what you believe is wrong, then you're basically looking for chaos to happen. I feel like some things in life really are just given to you the moment you're born. Perhaps this means that I'm finally becoming more spiritually connected, and certain things are starting to make more sense to me. I feel happy in saying that, but of course, I still hold great value in individuality and authenticity as well as advocating for the happiness and well-being of others.