Does Having a Low Tolerance Mindset Actually Work?

There are a lot of things I know I'm prone to saying or doing either consciously or unconsciously. I also know that depending on the day, I'm not always good at being able to empathize with others. Self-respect and being able to consistently show up for myself is something that I tend to hold onto with pride, as well as stating any boundaries for the sake of keeping any relationships healthy. In saying all of that, one thing that I feel as if I've come to learn and accept about myself is that even though I am someone who is considered neurodivergent (or having ADD), that doesn't mean that I have to let my brain's oddities take over my personality 24/7. 

Shame, low self-esteem and negative self-talk are what's caused me to withdraw and isolate myself the most whenever I was experiencing a meltdown because of my ADD. The ways in which I've built up my own confidence and self-worth have involved some traditional or conventional methods like therapy, journaling and even starting this blog, but I also know that I've relied on some other resources so that I could figure out how to appear more "normal" or get to a place of feeling safe internally. This is basically how I've gained inspiration to write about my experiences with ADD and my learning disability. Accepting that my brain is just different isn't always easy, but how does this correlate to the title of this post?

I wasn't given enough exposure to people who are just like me in terms of mental deficiencies, so for a good part of my life, I just went about my own business and kept to myself without questioning most things in life. My ability to tolerate certain things and people comes from being able to observe and adapt to my surroundings. It's taken me a long time to unlearn certain behaviors that haven't been serving me, and the more I allow myself to be unapologetic in who I am outside of my ADD, the more I start to feel as if I can co-exist around not just other neurodivergent folks (which also includes people who have autism), but also some other people who are their own version of "normal". I know who I'm able to get along with and who I want to avoid or go no-contact with. I used to be the type of person who would burn bridges, and while that temptation still finds its way into my mind sometimes, I feel like the only thing I'm guilty of now is saying things I don't mean to whenever I feel stressed or tired. Forgiving and forgetting is something I'd rather adapt to, whether other people in my life like it or not. I'd rather forgive for my own sake (and for other people if I know I've done something wrong), forget like it's nothing and then move on with life. If someone were to actually disrespect me or not treat me fairly, I will put that person in their place if I have to. I've gone through phases of being too soft or being too afraid to speak my mind, and that slowly started to change once I entered my 20's. I'm not afraid anymore to vocalize what's on my mind, whether or not what I have to say is offensive. So to anyone who's reading this, please take this to heart: it's okay for you to have a voice and to stand up for yourself!!

To wrap up this post, I'd say that my tolerance threshold has increased over the years with some things in life, but overall, I still try my best to be kind and live in a way that's authentic to who I am. Confidence is something that you gain by being able to endure the worst of what's been dealt to you. I hope that these insights can help reach anybody who needs to hear it. 

ADHD & Communication (part 2)

It’s been quite some time since I’ve highlighted anything regarding ADHD, but there are some new things that I thought I’d address now that I’ve gained a bit more experience, and with other like-minded individuals like me. So even though I’m still a work in progress in some ways, my ability to communicate with others depends directly on the state of my mental health. Trauma plays a very small part in what I’m able to speak up about or not, or at least, that’s what I’d like to believe. Staying silent hasn’t done me any favors in some cases, but in other ways, it has led to some growth, learning and healing. The most problematic or difficult experiences I’ve faced, however, is how to maintain relationships with other people who have a neurodivergent brain like me.

It’s taking time for me to recognize that while my own feelings and emotions are valid, that doesn’t mean that I should use them to hurt other people or twist another person’s words just because I feel hurt. Getting older doesn’t always mean getting wiser, because realistically speaking here, whether I have ADD or not, I’d still be making rookie mistakes every now and then. Pride tells me that this is why I get to feel the way I do, and this person’s actions or lack thereof proves that. I could have a full-on conversation in my head while everyone else around me is just minding their own business. Letting go of what makes me feel agitated, angry and hurt can either be easy or difficult depending on how much mental energy and focus I have. If my focus is aimless, then there’s no chance of me calming down whatsoever. Put me with someone who also has communication issues, and you’ll notice that there’s a lot that doesn’t get said, or we could end up saying the wrong things to each other sometimes.

I know I should be more empathetic of other people within “my own tribe”. Quite frankly, I feel as if my subconscious brain still holds onto some toxic habits that make me forget about my own ADD issues because I haven’t been exposed to other people with ADHD all that often growing up. Part of me has gotten a bit too used to feeling like a “normal” person with no issues, and so without that exposure, it’s made it difficult for me to meet other people where they’re at in life in some cases. Just like how other disabilities come on a spectrum, I’m finding out that ADHD comes on a spectrum as well based on how well a person can mask their symptoms. Masking is a coping mechanism that I learned upon exiting my teenage years, and somehow, it’s become a good tool in order for me to appear “normal”, but it takes a lot of mental energy and focus. So how does all of this play into communication? I feel like the best way to describe it would be like going to a masked ball, and you never know what kinds of “secrets” the person is hiding behind their mask.

The things I compensate for when I’m masking my ADD stem from my issues with control, lack of stability from within and this internal struggle to adapt to change. I know I tend to go through phases of taking things too far and not knowing when to let go of certain feelings or people that I know aren’t serving a positive purpose in my life. It’s very debilitating to shuffle through my own issues and figure out what’s rooted in reality and what’s rooted in trauma. I know that not everybody in this world is out to get me, and I know that people are going to make mistakes. Sometimes, it feels as if I have to put up a tighter guard because I’ve been taken advantage of one too many times. What I wish other people would learn, however, is that forgiveness works both ways- and it’s okay to be vocal about that. I’ve tried to unlearn many bad habits over the years; it’s still taking me time to heal. I do want to continue being more vocal about the things that I think people need to hear more often, but it’s really difficult to find peace sometimes when you don’t receive the same kind of treatment back.