My Life So Far

I feel like most people my age still carry some of that baggage from their youth on their shoulders, which makes things difficult in different relationships. My angst comes from being rejected and taken advantage of as a teenager. It comes from being unappreciated by one friend that I was close to at one point in time. Every time I was given the boot, I'd put on a brave face, but I was still hurting on the inside. It didn't help that my only sister would always tell me what to do or say that I should just change my behavior instead recognizing my feelings for what they are. For about half of my life, I've struggled with feeling important and accepted. Since turning 13, I've had to learn the hard way that some people are better off just knowing me as a friend.

Now there are some lessons that I know and accept now, but of course, life only gets harder as you grow older. I've done my fair share of bad things to people I once cared about and I'm not proud of that. However, I've learned to realize that my well-being must be put into consideration instead of always protecting other people's feelings. I've also learned that trust is a long process; you can't force it or make people trust you when they don't know you. Trust is earned when you treat people right and do the best you can to keep them in your life.

Many of my friends have come and gone and if I'm being honest, I don't mind that. Some of the people I've met have been nice to me, but as life goes on, the harder it is to become more open to those who express interest in you. I'm pretty much a friendly person, but sometimes I won't know what to say or do when people want to know me better. I get nervous and part me fights the urge to push that person away.

I'd rather have a couple close friends plus my boyfriend instead of 5 or 6 meaningless friendships with people who don't know who I am. And while I can see that I've made a lot of progress since the start of adolescence, I know that I still have a long ways to go. I've learned to accept a lot of things in life that I can't change and I'll keep on trying to better myself, but I know I'm not perfect. I can only do the best I can and I'm not going push myself over the edge in attempts to reach perfection. I'm just me and I will only do the best I can with what I'm given in whatever situation I face. I will always try to strive to be the best version of myself and live life with a smile on my face.

I will always choose to be positive because that's the kind of life I want to have. However, I know that pain is inevitable in life and that I won't always get things right. The hurt I've experienced growing up has taught me something important and has played a part in who I am now. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. There's always a lesson to be learned in everything you say and do.

I know who I am and I will always be the person I say I am. No matter how much pain I'm in or what my emotions do to me, I know that those moments of confusion and bewilderment will pass. I don't claim to know everything and I'm not going to make any promises I can't keep. At the same time though, I'll always try my best to be true to my word and to myself.